5 Little-Known Reasons Why Men Disappear and What To Do About It
Video Summary
In this podcast, dating coach for women Evan Marc Katz talks about why men disappear and how you can turn that around so they don't. There’s a term for that now: ghosting. It’s the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone you’ve dated and no longer want to, hoping that they take the hint and leave you alone.
While there is hardly ever a good excuse for doing such, ghosting is pretty common. Why? Because most of us are conflict-averse. There’s no intention to be malicious. Most ghostie actually believe they’re doing the nice thing because at least with this, a confrontation is avoided.
So why do men do it? Five of the reasons are given here:
You want a leader but you wont let him lead
Women have been complaining that men aren’t being manly enough anymore – they don’t make plans or take the lead, or make the first move. But when she meets such a man, she puts up a resistance. When you micromanage all his plans, it might get to the point that he doesn't want to make plans anymore because they get shot down anyway. It doesn't mean that he doesn't care for your approval; it just means that you should be able to say “yes” more to him than to say “no”.
#2. He’s putting on a show but you don't applaud
When a guy dates you, he tries his best to impress you. It’s different for every guys – some do it with extreme chivalry, some spend a ton of money, some talk a lot about themselves. Your only job is to let him know that it’s working. If you don't make him feel good about himself after all that effort, then he’s gonna look elsewhere for a more deserving audience.
#3. You don't make him feel needed or important
This one may be a stretch for you because after all, he’s a stranger – what has he done for you to make him feel important? But think of it this way: you're also a stranger to him and yet he makes the effort to call you, ask you about his day, etc. He’s prioritizing you and that makes you feel important to him. So if you don't want him to disappear on you, make time for him too.
#4. You want to read the last page of the book before you read the book
This is to say that you go on a first date or you look up his profile and you're already thinking to yourself: “what does my future look like with this guy as my husband?” or “where is this going?” or “what is wrong with him?”. A guy can tell when you’re not being present with him and that scares him off. Instead, enjoy the moment and see how he follows up.
#5. You treat him as if he’s going to hurt you
You may have been hurt, or lied to, or was cheated by the last guy you went out with but that guy has nothing to do with the next guy who comes along. Your past experiences may have changed the way you view men and dating but there’s no reason for the next guy to pay the price for that. Just like you, he wants you to assume that he’s a good person to begin with.
About Evan Marc Katz
Billed as a “personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women,” dating coach Evan Marc Katz has been helping singles find love since 2003. Thousands of his clients have fallen in love, gotten married, started families, and found happiness – after only a few months of coaching. It’s an unlikely career for a man – much less a man who was called a “serial dater” by CNN- yet that’s what makes Katz such a unique coach. By helping women understand men – what they think, how they act, and what they really want – he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love.
His popular programs Love U, Believe in Love and Why He Disappeared have helped women attract and find the man of their dreams.