March 11, 2017

How Can I Move On From an Ex I Still Love

How Do I Love Myself When I Don’t Like Myself Too Much

Q. One of the biggest blocks to attracting love is being attached to past love and not being able to move forward.

As a result of this unhealthy attachment, they can unknowingly create inner barriers like comparing any new potential date/lover with the ex or having a fear of being hurt or abandoned or just being stuck and unable to move forward.

Can you offer some insights on how women can move on from an ex they still love?

A. I’m not going to tell you to cease all contact with your ex, stop sleeping with him or to put your relationship memorabilia away. These ideas are quite reasonable and definitely serve a purpose, but for true healing to occur, we need to go deeper.

So let’s do this!

What I know for sure is this: Healthy love lets go, unhealthy love holds on.

If you find you are holding on to your ex, pining away, comparing everyone to them and unable to move forward, chances are you have an unhealthy attachment to them.

We may think “love” keeps us hanging on, however, when examined more closely, we may find insecurity, low self-esteem or a lack mentality (there will never be anyone else) as the real culprit(s). Fear in some form has dug its hideous claws into us masquerading as the beautiful thing called love.

However, one of the aspects of real love is freedom. When we feel the need to hold on tightly to someone who clearly wants to be elsewhere, we are not “loving” them. We are trying to get love and security for ourselves.

Which begs the question:

1. What is the real reason you are hanging on?

When you allow your mind to be clear and get radically honest with yourself, you may find the reason is fear in some form. Unhealthy attachments are always fear-based. Uncovering the fear is a critical first step and the place your work begins.

I’m fairly confident the relationship you’re pining over was not perfect. In fact, the majority of relationships end when the pain of staying outweighs the fear of change. Chances are there were big issues involved and you have forgotten or minimized them because your security has been threatened.

2. Be honest with yourself about why the relationship ended.

What part of the demise is yours to own? Where did you compromise your sacred self in order not to be alone? What behaviors did your ex exhibit that are unacceptable to you? Unless you were completely blindsided by your person’s leaving, I’m sure there was a build up to the relationship’s end. Get real about the relationship and yourself.

As humans we tend to fight ‘what is’ in life which only leads to suffering. We believe that our life should be different, people should act another way or XYZ has to happen in order for us to be happy. As Byron Katie, the founder and facilitator of TheWork.com says,” When you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time.”

3. Make peace with reality.

What is not happening right now is not meant to be happening right now. If it is not meant to be, stop fighting it and go find what IS meant to be. Relationships are our greatest opportunities for growth. Sometimes we need to get schooled a few times before we learn enough to energetically align ourselves with our dream partner. Accept your ex was not it and get excited knowing Mr. Ideal is waiting for you!

I love the beginning of the Dr. Phil show when he says, “Get excited about your life!”

Yes! When we are wallowing in the past, we are not designing our future. We have a choice every day to be a victim or a victor! What are you choosing? Has your focus been on the past or is it aimed toward your amazing future?

4. Get excited for what is to come!

Release the need to pine over your ex and begin mentally designing your ideal partner. Imagine what he will feel like to be around, how much he laughs, how generous and kind he is. What type of activities he’s into. Etcetera. Open your heart and expand your imagination. The sky is the limit when manifesting! Don’t waste any more time on what you don’t have. Begin to feel as if you already have exactly what you want. Believe you are worthy of him and get to work!

Sisters, I was stuck “in love” with an ex. I later discovered what I thought was love was a need for “safety”. Once I discovered why I was holding on so desperately and healed that fear, my ideal partner entered my life! The demise of my previous relationship was the growth opportunity I needed.

Everything is purposeful.

It’s time to let go and move on.

About Kristen Brown

Kristen BrownKristen Brown is an Relationship Healing and Self-Worth Recovery life coach, Author and Speaker. Her deep desire to help others reach their full potential blossomed in adolescence and later became her life’s work after she experienced a profound betrayal that catalyzed a major internal transformation of her self-worth.

Kristen Brown’s neutrality and non-judgment can be felt by anyone who has ever shared space with her. She has been called the “real deal” by many of her clients as she is unabashedly open about her experiences, follies, mistakes and history.

Kristen Brown was raised in Scottsdale, Arizona where she continues to reside with her three beautiful children and her amazing life mate she calls “the gift and result of my healing”.

To work with Kristen is to feel seen, heard and understood like you never have been before! She is a spiritual cheerleader! Visit www.sweetempowerment.com to know more.
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