Mike: This is Mike Hennessy. And on behalf of the team at LoveEvolveandThrive.com, I am pleased to welcome you to today’s interview with Karla Downing. Karla Downing is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the founder of ChangeMyRelationship.com. Go to www.ChangeMyRelationship.com for more information.
Karla Downing, welcome. Thank you for joining us today.
Karla: You are welcome. It’s great to be here.
Mike: Karla, sometimes women have the tendency to overanalyze what a man says and does, why he says what he says and whether he really means what he says and if there is another meaning behind what he says.
What are some of the ways that women can stop overanalyzing every situation and encounter they may have with men.
Karla: Well, here are some really important and practical things they can do.
Men say what they mean; women say more than they mean.
Recognize that a man usually says what he means directly so practice taking it at face value knowing it usually is what it is.
If what he says isn’t clear to you, ask him to clarify right then so you won’t have to think about it later on. Make sure you are clear before ending the conversation.
Watch him to see if his words match his actions.
If he says he is okay with something, does he act okay? If he says he isn’t mad, does he act mad? If his actions match his words, then stop doubting him and just take him at his word.
Recognize your tendency to overanalyze and own it without blaming him.
Know that the fact that you are questioning what he meant does not prove that he has said anything wrong or is doing anything wrong.
If you don’t know how to trust your intuition, thoughts, perceptions, or feelings, explain the problem to him. Tell him that you are going to ask him when you are confused so he can give you the feedback you need to learn how to trust yourself.
If you are overanalyzing his words, actions, and inactions because you are insecure in your relationship, then own your insecurity and work on becoming more self-confident. This may mean that you have to work on being okay whether or not the relationship continues, if the source of your insecurity is your fear that the relationship won’t work. If it is because you need more feedback from him on how things are going, then risk having that conversation.
Relax in the relationship and let it unfold as it is going to unfold.
Instead of overanalyzing, enjoy the moment. Be that confident fun woman that he will enjoy being with instead of the serious woman who is always grilling him. If it is hard for you to be that fun woman, then act as if you are until it becomes more natural.
Recognize that you may have to drop something when a man is shutting down and giving you signals that he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.
Practice saying exactly what you mean clearly, directly, and in as few words as possible.
This will show you that it is possible and help you to believe that he really does mean what he says.
If you distrust him, deal with your concerns.
If you are ignoring red flags, then pay attention. If you believe he has lied to you or been less than honest, then confront it. If you aren’t willing to confront it, know the reason why. If there are reasons for you not to trust what he says and does, then you need to pay attention to what is really going on. This should be a sign to you that the relationship has problems.
Mike: Karla Downing, thank you for joining us today.
Karla: You are welcome.
And this is Mike Hennessy. And on behalf of the team at LoveEvolveandThrive.com, I’d like to thank you for listening to our interview and wish you the very best in your relationships.
Our guest today was Karla Downing, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Change My Relationship at www.ChangeMyRelationship.com.
For free tips and insights on relationship advice for women from hundreds of experts and authors, please visit our website at www.LoveEvolveandThrive.com.