To Hook Up Or Not To Hook Up? Here’s What You Need To Consider Before Making a Decision

Video Summary

In this video, relationship adviser Carlos Cavallo of Dating Advice Guru shares some expert insights about that special arrangement called “friends with benefits”.  Specifically, he answers the question of whether you should or should not hook up – or, in other words, be someone’s booty call.

Some women don’t mind a one-night stand with someone they met at a party last night.  Others, however, don’t think that a no-strings-attached arrangement will work for them.  It’s a matter of perspective, really, and about meeting certain needs. 

The question, then should be: do you stand to gain anything from a “friends with benefit” relationship?  Or should you just focus on looking for something long term?  

It’s a double-edged deal

A friends with benefit set up has the potential of causing either exceptionally high or drastically low self-esteem.  Some women find that casual sex is what they need to unleash pent-up sexual tension.  Perhaps they just got off a rough break-up, or are too busy for something that requires more commitment.

For others, however, casual sex is more stress than they can handle especially when they get to the point that they try to deal with how they feel about it.  All relationships, even one where you are somebody’s booty call, begs the question of where it’s headed.

So how do you know for sure?

For some couples, the question of “where is this going?” may raise the stakes on what was supposedly a low-stake relationship.  For others, it may mean the exact opposite.  The true litmus test of friends with benefits?  When it’s an open arrangement and there are other friends with benefits in the picture.

How do you feel about that?  You may think you can handle it but you won’t really know until you find out for certain that your partner is also seeing someone else.  When you get to that point, you might be due for some soul seraching to settle the matter. 

Ask yourself this: am I still enjoying this?  At a certain point, being in a casual relationship begins to feel like a chore rather than something you look forward to like you did at the start.

Be honest with yourself

When your casual sex arrangement starts to feel like it has lost its appeal, then you probably need to let go.  You’re not likely to get anything out of it.  Ditto when some cultural upbringing makes you have second thoughts about crossing the friends with benefits line.  If you’re curious but is held back by the possibility of having hook-up guilt later on, then don’t.

Now, if you did have a friend with benefit and you get to a point where you start to wonder what it would be like to have him in your life for good, then you are not just interested in sex with this person.  In which case, you need to lay down your cards on the table as early as possible and know whether you have the same expectations or not; if you don’t, then it may be time to move on.