What To Do When You Don’t Trust Men
Video Summary
In this video, personal trainer for love Evan Marc Katz shares a man’s point of view on trust in a relationship.
Here’s a theory: full trust or no trust. It means that where trust is concern, there’s no middle ground – it’s just either/or. So if you can’t trust a man, then you shouldn’t be with him. You can’t marry someone who you think will lie to you or cheat on you.
The next guy has nothing to do with the last
The problem is that it’s not always as clear cut as it sounds. Most women don't trust men not because of the man himself but because she’s been burned before by men who proved to be untrustworthy. If a woman has been lied to or cheated on in the past, it can become a baggage she carries with her going from relationship to relationship.
Intellectually, however, you know – and most women do – that the next guy has nothing to do with the last guy. You may have had trust issues with the last ten men you dated but that does not necessarily mean the next guy you meet is a liar and a cheater, too.
A man does not need to earn your trust
So when you go back into the dating scene – even after you get burned – don’t bring all these excess baggages with you. Know that a man does not need to earn your trust. He needs to start with your trust. If he loses that trust, then he risks losing the relationship.
Most women, however, do the opposite. They assume a man is untrustworthy and become extra vigilant, almost like waiting for him to make a mistake. This is especially true if you have been hurt in the past – it just seems to make sense to have some protective mechanism. But what you don’t see is the downside to this. When you can’t let your guard down – which involves trusting and becoming vulnerable – you’re protecting yourself from feeling true love.
Start a relationship on a clean slate
If you think this is wrong – and that you absolutely need to test the guy for the next few months and have him prove to you he’s worthy of your trust – then consider a role reversal. What if he starts wih the notion that all women are lying, cheating, crazy gold diggers just because his ex left him for some rich guy? Would that make you like him more? No, it doesn’t.
You would rather that he starts on a clean slate with you despite his relationship trauma. If he wants you to prove to him that you’re not like his ex, then you’d likely bolt. Same thing with him. Just as you want a man who likes and trust women and makes you feel good in his presence, he wants the same treatment from you – and that’s not to make him jump through hoops, climb walls or pass some tests just to get to you.
Many women think mistrust is normal when it’s actually toxic. When they can’t see that, it’s probably because the trustworthy guys don't bother sticking around with someone who don’t believe in them.
About Evan Marc Katz
Billed as a “personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women,” dating coach Evan Marc Katz has been helping singles find love since 2003. Thousands of his clients have fallen in love, gotten married, started families, and found happiness – after only a few months of coaching. It’s an unlikely career for a man – much less a man who was called a “serial dater” by CNN- yet that’s what makes Katz such a unique coach. By helping women understand men – what they think, how they act, and what they really want – he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love.
His popular programs Love U, Believe in Love and Why He Disappeared have helped women attract and find the man of their dreams.