In this video Clay Andrews, a relationship coach gives advice on what to say to your ex during your first meet up that can get him or her to open up. Surface level conversations can get things started, but how to you get your ex to talk about the emotional, deeper level stuff?
There are two levels of communication
There are two levels of communication – ‘stuff’ and ‘deeper level’ topics. When you talk about ‘stuff’ you are talking about the weather, sports or work. Questions like “how was your day?” and “did you see the game” are surface level conversations that will get you talking about ‘stuff.’ Deeper level communications get down to people’s emotions.
How to advance to deeper level conversations
Many people try to connect at the surface level through shared interests such as sports or other hobbies. This can be okay, especially if it establishes camaraderie, however it’s important to take it to a deeper level from there. You can start the conversation at the surface level, but you need to crack the surface and go down deep to really connect with someone. You can do this by asking two magic questions – “How did that make you feel?” and “What was that like?”
Why you need to have deeper level conversations
Emotions are the one thing all human beings have in common. You may not share the same hobbies, job or other interests, but we all feel the same emotions. If you can take the conversation to the emotional level then you can connect with anyone. It’s about learning more about someone and being able to really relate to how they experience things.
If your ex gave a presentation that day and you ask “what was that like?” and she begins to describe her emotions you will be able to relate through your own emotional experience even if you ‘ve never given a presentation before. If she felt nervous you will be able to talk about a time you felt nervous. It’s a great way to really connect with someone when you can begin to understand them on an emotional level. It also leaves your ex feeling like you really understand him or her and can really empathize with his or her’s feelings.
About Clay Andrews
Clay Andrews is a dating and relationship coach who helps women find the right type of man they can create a loving and thriving relationship with. He is the creator of Ex Solution Program- a program that helps couples get back together. To know more about Clay, visit his website below.