“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”
~ Mandy Hale
The quality of our relationships has a direct impact on our mental health and well-being.
You have noticed this if you have ever been in an unhealthy relationship of any kind and found that it has changed how you view yourself. When single people come into my office and speak about their dates I pay close attention to their body language. Often, people will make outrageous attempts to find something redeemable about a really bad date. This can be out of desperation, loneliness, or poor self-image.
Chances are as with anything, if you are asking yourself the question: “do I really like this person or am I just lonely?” there is a reason.
Loneliness is one of the worst human emotions to cope with. Death was always a preferable fate to exile and at times we can feel exiled when single. After all, the wedding industry has surrounded us with images of happy couples, engagement rings, and far off destinations that would be great for any couple. We can easily be lured into a sense of comfort having anyone for companionship rather than no one.
This is of course problematic as after the initial attraction wears off you are left with the reality of the situation and if your eyes weren’t open before, they will be then! So how do we avoid this scenario?
First, improve your perception of yourself.
If you really believe you are worthy of the person who would be a great fit for you, you will accept no substitutions even when you are lonely. This one is so important and often draws to us what we believe we deserve. Believe you deserve a person that brings out the best in you and complements you and this is what you will get. Believe that all you deserve is the person no one else wants and this is what you will get. It’s strange, but it really does work out this way. If you think back on your earliest relationships you will likely find evidence to support this.
Second, make sure you couldn’t possibly be lonely.
If this is a challenge for you then it will be helpful to make some new friends. If there is something you like to do, make sure you get out and do it even if it is by yourself. We are all alone in a sense and if we learn how to become our own best company, we need never be lonely. Also, there is a meetup for everyone. If you need friends find several that sound interesting and go to them. You don’t have to stay if you’re not into it! Even extreme introverts have their people and can find groups this way.
And lastly, desperation is never attractive and generally attracts all the wrong people.
Typically, it will attract those that only want something from you. If you go out seeking love in this manner you will only likely attract wolves seeking prey. Please take some time to take care of yourself. Spend some time with close friends or family that loves you and pay attention to how much they care about you. There is no one that can fill this void for you but if we attempt to look at ourselves from their perspective and consider whether or not they would want this for us, we will likely find answers. Self-love is the most important, start there and everything else will follow.