- in Commitment
“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”
~ Mandy Hale
Human beings are indeed relational creatures who thrive on connection. However, each person is enveloped in different seasons and phases of life.
When connecting with another person relationally, it is important to understand that each person has a different level and need within a timeframe and season.
As a therapist, one of the more recurrent relationship obstacles I notice is a difference in wants. In dating and relationships, a woman may spend time with a man who is not ready for a committed, monogamous relationship, but communicates his enjoyment of her company. However, a woman may be ready for a committed relationship and signal a readiness for more commitment.
The obstacle comes when two people who enjoy each other’s company are not on the same page or even in the same book. She wants a commitment. He likes her but does not want a commitment.
In the case in which two people have separate visions for a time together, the following are power tips for relational success:
1. Put all the relational cards on the table.
Be willing to be clear, concise, and assertive with your feelings. People do not know what they do not know, and operating on assumptions is reckless. Have the conversation in a neutral location and be receptive to proposed possibilities. If the outcome is to simply be friends, make the decision on whether the relationship will best suit you. Reminder: Negative thought patterns unleash negative outcomes. Fill yourself with positive affirmations and uplifting self-talk prior to the conversation.
2. Enjoy the fruit of the fun, flirty friendship, and accept the things you cannot change.
Healthy friendships are welcome as long as strong boundaries are in place. One of the healthiest boundaries you can set is a time boundary. Manage your time with romantic interests well and managing emotions in like and love becomes easier. If a commitment is off the table, open your mind to possibilities of other relationships or enjoying a single season. While he may like you, his lack of readiness can not be changed by you. Allow yourself to have fun without expectation of anything more.
3. Simply walk away.
Walk away from potential and into purpose. If you want commitment, it may require walking away from potential and dating men who are aligned with your desires for a purpose partner.
Resentment and discontentment can fester when two people are not on the same page. The power of choice is always available especially when feelings run deep. Know that you are not stuck or stranded under a mound of feelings. Utilize the tips in this blog to assist you or a friend in making strong relationship decisions when there is a lack of clarity.