Q. One of our subscribers asked an interesting question, 'How do I love myself when I don't like myself too much' and this is a feeling that many women struggle with.
Can you offer your advice on how one can start loving themselves especially when they have a relentless inner critic and struggle to overcome this negative self belief?
A.“When you start to like yourself, other people begin to like you too. Liking yourself doesn’t mean you’re full of pride; it simply means you accept yourself as the person God created you to be.” – Joyce Meyer
This statement holds a lot of truth and weight, but often a message we are not willing to adopt easily especially if we have lived for years and oftentimes decades believing the opposite.
The quote above came from a piece Joyce Meyer called Learning to Like Yourself. Within the text she said, “I didn’t want to be as bold and straightforward as I am. I didn’t want to be so direct and blunt.” She found herself trying to be like her soft-spoken, sweet friend, but it didn’t work. It simply was not who she is.
Although she continued to work on certain aspects of herself, she learned to accept her personality because who she is will never change. And today this “bold and straight forward” woman heads one of the largest Christian ministries of all time. Each week, she shares her “direct and blunt” message to help heal the hearts and minds of millions of people!
The very thing she judged so harshly about herself ended up being her pathway to living her dream career and life.
There is Nothing Wrong with You
I have a story similar to Joyce’s.
My momma was a soft-spoken, uber diplomatic, non-confrontational, ass-kisser (whom I love dearly I might add).
Me… the polar opposite. I was a truth telling, straight talking gal from go. I found my voice young and with four brothers to contend with, I used it frequently! But because I was so unlike my momma, I went through a large portion of life feeling inadequate.
I often witnessed how loved she was by everyone and decided there was something terribly wrong with me. I’m just not like her. I must not be likable. I didn’t even give myself a chance.
In my early 40’s I embarked on a spiritual journey that turned all of this around for me. I learned there was nothing wrong with me and celebrated each and every aspect of my uniqueness.
Moreover, once I dispelled the belief I was unlikable for my unique qualities, amazing opportunities began showing up in my life. My desire for truth, knowledge and communication has made me a remarkable mother, friend, partner and professional.
Had I continued to despise or hide my authentic nature, I would not be where I am today. And to be clear, I’m super diggin’ where I am today!
You were created whole and perfect just like everyone else. The only reason you’ve swayed from this truth is because you chose to believe what society taught you.
There is no reason to model ourselves after someone else because we will fall short every time. We will never be them and they will never be us.
If by knowing this truth is not enough, we must learn to give ourselves a chance by doing the work required to change our perception of who we are.
4 Essential Steps to Liking Yourself
Most of us know by now that what we focus on grows. And in order to change our current experience we must adopt a new pattern of thinking and being.
1. Give it to God: All problems greater than us belong with a power greater than us. What we cannot do for ourselves, we must be willing to give to Superpower of the Universe. Begin with asking for help.
Holy Spirit, I am willing to see the splendor of all that I am. I know there is more to me than I am currently seeing. I am ready to open my heart to see myself as you do. Please show me what I have been blind to. Pleaseopen my eyes and mind to the truth of my greatness. And so it is. Amen.
When we are willing, ready and open to receive, we set the perfect stage for transformation to take place.
2. Pay attention to compliments: Oftentimes we discount or deflect loving words coming our way. A compliment is the Universe’s way of letting us know we are seen for who we are. Accept them graciously and repeat them to yourself often!
3. Take personal inventory of your attributes: That’s right! Sit your bootie down and make a list. A loooong list. Dig into every aspect of your life. Recognize and own who you are and what you do well. In fact, recognize where you don’t do so well and love that too! Accept all of you. Repeat this mantra throughout your day:
I lovingly accept all of who I am. I am grateful for my spiritual gifts and unique attributes.
4. Follow positive projections: We cannot see in others what we do not possess ourselves. What we judge (the good and the not-so-good) in others are the disowned places in ourselves. The next time you find yourself admiring another’s qualities from afar, look inside and locate that same quality in yourself.
She is a kind person. I am a kind person.
She has amazing work ethic. I have amazing work ethic.
She is wonderfully creative. I am wonderfully creative.
She is an exceptional mother. I am an exceptional mother.
Honor yourself for your strengths, your differences and your uniqueness.
In order to attract the life of our dreams, we must deem ourselves worthy of such. And as the dynamic Joyce Meyer stated above, “When you start to like yourself, other people begin to like you too.”
The time has come to stop beating yourself up and allow your true, unique splendor to shine. You are whole and perfect just as you are. Adopt it, believe it and live it!
I believe in you.
About Kristen Brown
Kristen Brown is an Relationship Healing and Self-Worth Recovery life coach, Author and Speaker. Her deep desire to help others reach their full potential blossomed in adolescence and later became her life’s work after she experienced a profound betrayal that catalyzed a major internal transformation of her self-worth.
Kristen Brown’s neutrality and non-judgment can be felt by anyone who has ever shared space with her. She has been called the “real deal” by many of her clients as she is unabashedly open about her experiences, follies, mistakes and history.
Kristen Brown was raised in Scottsdale, Arizona where she continues to reside with her three beautiful children and her amazing life mate she calls “the gift and result of my healing”.
To work with Kristen is to feel seen, heard and understood like you never have been before! She is a spiritual cheerleader! Visit www.sweetempowerment.com to know more.