How To Feel Worthy of Love: Overcoming Common Self-Limiting Beliefs and Breaking the Cycle in 8 Steps
Everywhere you look you see happy couples sharing mochas and movies while you painfully stand by watching the life you wish you had. You turn away broken-hearted while holding back tears and you walk away once again lost in your unworthiness.
Something inside you screams to give up this ridiculous dream because it’s never going to happen for you anyway. You try to push away your longing by finding multitudes of reasons why being single is the best option, only to crash into another painful reminder of what your heart so desperately wants…
Love and companionship.
My friend, I’m here to tell you that your longing is not unhealthy, unrealistic or unachievable.
You didn’t come here flawed and unworthy of love. It is something you learned along the way and the time has come to unlearn it.
Where Does Unworthiness Come From?
Feelings of unworthiness stem from deep seated beliefs that are most often associated with painful situations or harsh words spoken over us in our childhoods.
In fact, it is so prevalent I liken it to a plague on our planet.
I want to encourage you to do the work necessary to heal this painful and debilitating belief for good, because the love and companionship your heart so desperately craves is on waiting for you on the other side.
Let’s start by taking a look at where unworthiness stems from.
Root causes of unworthiness may stem from (but not limited to):
· Constant criticism as a child
· Unrecognized for our uniqueness and/or our inability to live up to parental expectations
· Parents who blamed us for their unhappiness
· Bullies who made us feel small and inadequate because we were different
· Being raised by addicted parents or parents who fostered a deep unworthiness themselves
· Repeated harsh or judgmental words spoken over us as children
· Misdirected anger or frustration to us from a parent
· Emotional and/or physical abuse, abandonment of parent
Results: I am flawed, broken and unworthy of love.
The Great Lie
No matter when, where or how you received this injurious belief, it is a lie.
In fact, it is the greatest lie ever told!
You are fully worthy of receiving love solely and without dispute because you are a beautiful masterpiece created by God. God does not make mistakes and you are no exception.
The truth is:
You are love at your very core.
You are love personified in human form.
You are here to give love and to receive love.
Until you deeply adopt this truth, however, you will unconsciously and continuously bat away love opportunities coming your way. The lens through which you see the world will continue to be muddied by your beliefs and a cyclical pattern will ensue.
I cannot find love. No one wants me. I am unworthy.
I am unworthy. No one wants me. I cannot find love.
That is why simply knowing our worth is not always enough to break free of the bondage.
We must take responsibility for our conditioned thoughts and set course to break this vicious cycle for good.
Breaking the Cycle in 8 Steps:
As with all healing work, it won’t magically happen while eating a donut and watching T.V. If you truly, I mean truly wish to heal your feelings of unworthiness and experience the relationship of your dreams, it’s time to put down the donut and remote control and get to work.
When we question our limiting beliefs and replace them with new knowledge and understanding, we are far less likely to repeat unhealthy patterns.
Here’s how it goes:
1. Identify your unworthy beliefs:
Unworthiness behaviors are responses to the repeating statements we say to or about self. They can be hidden little buggers so be very careful to locate them all. A good rule is: If it’s not something I’d say to another, it’s not something I should say to myself.
I am stupid
I am a burden
I am annoying
I am ugly, old, etc.
2. Identify origins of limiting beliefs:
Who spoke the words over you? I know it can be difficult to go back there, but there is where the answers are.
My father told me I am stupid
My mother told me she wished I wasn’t born
My brother told me I was ugly and annoying
Society says the chances of finding love are slim when…
I know this smarts, but hang in there!
3. Question their authority:
Examine the states of mind and/or ages of the people who verbally or physically abused you.
Are they spiritual authorities on this planet?
Do they have the right to tell you who you are?
Is this someone you would seek from advice as an adult?
Do you trust, honor and value these people’s opinions?
Were they too young (pertains mostly to siblings) to know any better?
Is he/she perfect and all-knowing? (cough-cough I think not!)
Be willing to dig through the muck and uncover the truth about your abusers.
4. Who is the boss of you?:
You are. You are your own authority. No one and I mean no one has the authority to tell you who you are and what you are worth. You are no longer a child. You have the ability and right to step into your greatness with or without the approval of others.
When you begin to own your worth, others will too. Remind yourself often who is the real boss of you.
5. Make a list of your attributes: No playing small or shy here! List at least 25 of your best attributes and own it!
I am loyal, kind, gentle, affectionate, smart, great at my job etc. etc.…
Keep going until you’ve squeaked out every last affirmative detail about yourself. Keep the list handy!
6. Repeat the list throughout the day:
Remember we are retraining our brain here. It takes repetition for neurons to wire together to create new, automatic thought. Anytime you are feeling unworthy or depressed, whip out your list and recite it until you feel your emotions rising.
7. Be your own hero:
If we wait for someone to save us from ourselves, we may be waiting a long time. Be your own best friend now! Take good care of yourself by monitoring the words you say to yourself. Encourage yourself all day, every day. Teach the world how you should be treated. Let them know how valuable you are.
8. Monitor self-sabotaging statements: See below
If We Think It, We Will Create It
Our thoughts and words carry energy. Energy that goes out into the cosmos and creates our life.
If we truly intend to attract something new, we must change our thinking to something new and feel the elevated emotion that accompanies the new, empowered belief.
Common beliefs and empowering reframes:
I am too old to attract the right man.
Love has no age limit!
I am not pretty enough or thin enough to attract the right man.
There is someone for everyone! I am loved for who I am.
I am unlucky in love.
I am open to receiving a beautiful relationship. Luck has nothing to do with attracting love.
All the good men are taken.
There are plenty of wonderful available men!
Men are only interested in younger women and sex.
There are men who are interested in mature women and all the gifts that come with them.
I attract losers and unattractive men.
I attract handsome winners!
Anytime you find yourself thinking a self-sabotaging statement, turn the thought around and repeat it until your emotions rise.
We have everything we need to unlearn our limiting beliefs and attract the relationship of our dreams. All that is blocking us is a commitment to our healing.
And always remember, no healing work is ever in vain. There are beautiful gifts waiting for you on the other side and I believe in you!
About Kristen Brown
Kristen Brown is an Relationship Healing and Self-Worth Recovery life coach, Author and Speaker. Her deep desire to help others reach their full potential blossomed in adolescence and later became her life’s work after she experienced a profound betrayal that catalyzed a major internal transformation of her self-worth.
Kristen Brown’s neutrality and non-judgment can be felt by anyone who has ever shared space with her. She has been called the “real deal” by many of her clients as she is unabashedly open about her experiences, follies, mistakes and history.
Kristen Brown was raised in Scottsdale, Arizona where she continues to reside with her three beautiful children and her amazing life mate she calls “the gift and result of my healing”.
To work with Kristen is to feel seen, heard and understood like you never have been before! She is a spiritual cheerleader! Visit www.sweetempowerment.com to know more.