September 1, 2018

I am a Successful, Independent Woman and I Drive Men Away: What Should I Do?


Q. My name is Christina and I am a successful businesswoman. Though I meet and interact with a lot of men in my professional life, I have not found similar success in my personal life. While my confidence and success inspires and motivates men in my profession, the same traits seem to be driving men away in my personal relationships. I feel men are turned off by my confidence and are perhaps intimidated by my success.

Over time, this has made me more skeptical and negative about men which has only made matters worse for me. I have lost so much hope that even before going out for a date with a man, I assume that he would not be interested in me or that he wouldn’t ask me for a second date.

I am not sure how to change things around and how to overcome my pessimistic attitude.

A. Dear Christina,

Don’t give up hope.

The dating world is a complex one to negotiate, and finding a fulfilling match is a daunting task.

Keep in mind that it is not men in general, but one man in particular, whom you seek.

Perhaps what would be most useful for you is the understanding of context. While men generally find confidence to be more a turn-on than a turn-off, some of the other traits that make you successful in the business world may not translate well when seeking an intimate other. For example, competitiveness is great for business, but not for a man seeking a life partner.

On the other hand, emotional availability and sensuality, while usually not appropriate in a business setting, are a definite must for lovers.

So often in our quest for success, our personal lives go undernourished.

Yet it is in the development and assertion of all that we are, that we create an energetic field capable of drawing in a complementary mate. Just as you change out of your power suit into a little black dress, think also of stepping into your playful side, your sexy side, your innate creativity, curiosity and desire to share your heart. In short, that which makes you uniquely recognizable to the right man. It may scare some men away, but you wouldn’t be happy with them, anyway!

Stand firm in your resolve to have a loving mate that encourages you, as you encourage him.

Don’t sell yourself short; losing hope diminishes that energy that only your personality can provide. So find a way of recharging yourself, then get out there…and don’t settle! A loving, intimate, even long-term relationship will build your confidence and sense of purpose in ways you have yet to imagine.


Inga Larson

About Inga Larson


Inga Karen Larson, LCSW RMT, has been providing support and assistance to individuals and families for over fifteen years. In her practice, she helps her clients meet and embrace their true self, in all its richness. With heart and deep listening, she will work with you to discover what you truly want, and what is holding you back.

To know more about Inga, visit her website

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