June 20, 2017

I Like Him and Things Were Going Well Until I Took a Trip and Now He Seems To Be Distancing Himself

I Like Him and Things Were Going Well Until I Took a Trip and Now He Seems To Be Distancing Himself

Q. I'm currently having the closest thing to a relationship I ever had, so I wondered if you could give me an opinion on this.

I have been dating this guy for 2 months. We are both at the same age (22) and we are both very inexperienced (he has told me that he had never been in a relationship either and it's pretty obvious).

We are not exclusive, since none of us has brought it up, although for now I'm not sure how I feel about that either, I like the way things are and feel no need to push for more. I really like him and the way he makes me feel, and we have a great time whenever we are together. We have so much in common and we can talk for hours, although we haven't gotten physical, other than kisses and make out.

However, ever since I returned from a trip I had out of town, and we were apart for almost two weeks in which we kept contact, I had the sense that something was different. He didn't initiate as much as he did in the beginning. I didn't take any action on that, even though it made me feel confused if something was wrong.

I know that he is going through a hard phase in his life, because he has to study for important exams, he has a part-time job and at the same time he has to think to reach some decisions about his future. It is obvious that he is very stressed and tired lately.

I found no harm in asking him out for once, since he is the one who usually does that. He didn't reply for hours,when he usually replies instantly, then he told me he wasn't sure if he could make it, and finally he replied two days later that he was sorry, but he got caught up with some commitments which made him feel very stressed and asked if we could leave it for another time when he is less pressured.

I told him that I understood and made it clear in a nice way that it was up to him to reach out whenever he had the time for this and wanted it, even though inside me I felt an overwhelming fear that it was just his way of telling me that he wasn't interested anymore.

Two guys had used the same excuse on me on the past before they disappeared forever. I realize that I probably sound irrational, but I would probably not have made much of it if he didn't appear more distant lately.

So my question is, do you think he is still interested? Even though we haven't seen each other much the last three weeks, at least us two alone (since we have common hobbies), every date was wonderful and it made me wish we spent more time together like in the beginning.

How do I bring up this wish to him when/if he reaches out again without sounding needy? (and at certain points during those two months, I was certainly feeling needy and I don't know if this showed somehow) I really like him and I want this to work out because I think it's hard to find someone to share a connection like that, but I feel going out once a week if even is not enough for me.

Please advice.

Dear Reader,

First things first. You are not irrational.

When a man has lost interest in us, it becomes apparent quite quickly. He acts distant, takes more time to respond (if at all) and always has an excuse as to why he’s doing these things. What he rarely says is: I’ve lost interest and I’m moving on. This radical shift in behavior will always leave us confused and hurt.

Unfortunately, you are not the first woman to feel this type of rejection/abandonment.

I, too, have dealt with this in my own life and it’s certainly not fun! However, there are a few wonderful things I have learned throughout my relationship trials.

What I’ve learned is this: we can beat our head against the wall trying to sift through every conversation looking for what we did to cause his disinterest or we can value ourselves for the goddess we are and say: This is not okay with me, I am worth way more than this and I am moving on.

Even though you feel as though you and he have a special kind of connection, I assure you he is not the only man you will ever feel this way with. With each breakup, I always fell for the belief that we had a special connection and there would never be another man I felt this way about.

Until… the next one entered my life.

What most women don’t yet understand is we often think the first guy we fall for is the only one for us. We tend to settle for “okay” when we could have “awesome!” The problem is when we hang onto someone who clearly has lost interest in us, we are blocking the way for a better and more wonderful man to enter.

I once heard the statement: A man’s rejection is our protection.

And I lived by it ever since. What this means is, when a man pushes us away, we are actually being “protected” from wasting our time with someone who does not truly love, honor or hold our well-being as a priority. We are better off taking heed of the rejection and moving on than hanging on desperately hoping that he will come around. I’m sorry to say, I have yet to hear this type of story resolve into a happy ending.

I know this is not what you want to hear.

I didn’t want to hear it either; however, it proved true time and time again in my own life. It took me a few times before realize I was waiting for someone to love me who wasn’t going to. And that did not mean there was something wrong with me. It only meant, we were put together to learn a lesson and nothing more.

I want to make one thing radically clear to you. There is nothing wrong with you.

You have just not found the right man who will love, respect and value you for everything you are. But he’s out there, I promise.

Your job in the meantime is to learn to love and value yourself completely. This changes the energetic vibration you emit into the world thus attracting someone who will value you.

The absolute most attractive trait a woman can have is confidence.

No matter what society says, it’s not about how you look, how much you weigh or if you are saying and doing all the things he likes. It’s about how much you love yourself.

Much Love,

Kristen Brown

About Kristen Brown

Kristen BrownKristen Brown is an Relationship Healing and Self-Worth Recovery life coach, Author and Speaker. Her deep desire to help others reach their full potential blossomed in adolescence and later became her life’s work after she experienced a profound betrayal that catalyzed a major internal transformation of her self-worth.

Kristen Brown’s neutrality and non-judgment can be felt by anyone who has ever shared space with her. She has been called the “real deal” by many of her clients as she is unabashedly open about her experiences, follies, mistakes and history.

Kristen Brown was raised in Scottsdale, Arizona where she continues to reside with her three beautiful children and her amazing life mate she calls “the gift and result of my healing”.

To work with Kristen is to feel seen, heard and understood like you never have been before! She is a spiritual cheerleader! Visit www.sweetempowerment.com to know more.
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