- in Commitment
Is He Losing Interest Or Just Comfortable? 6 Experts Reveal Exactly How To Distinguish Between the Two
“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”
~ Mandy Hale
Both men and women often approach a new relationship on their best behavior
During the courtship, a man will work to earn your trust and love hoping that you will see him as worthy of a being in a relationship with you. He puts his best out there to show you that he is a “good catch.” He will shower you with attention and dote on you during his courtship of you.
Then the relationship moves to the next phase and the honeymoon is over so to speak. He stops doing the things he did when you were dating and slowly changes the way he engages with you. You are worried he is losing interest and want to know how he feels about you. You wonder if his behavior reflects a loss of interest or that he is getting comfortable with you.
It is easy to fall into a pattern of taking a partner for granted.
Some of the men I have worked with in couple’s therapy feel like once they are in the relationship, the work is done. Once the courtship is over, men feel like they don’t have to work as hard as they did when you first started dating. Some men think that once you are in the relationship, it will be harder for you to leave once you have fallen in love and are “committed” to him.
A relationship is a living, breathing thing and you need to feed it and nurture it
In couple’s therapy, I often remind men and women that a relationship is a living, breathing thing. You need to feed it and nurture it. Give your relationship time and attention so that it grows stronger and richer over time. Your relationship needs to have a place in your routine. You can fall into a routine without forgetting about the things that strengthen the bond between you.
Take the initiative and tell him that you want to make sure that you do not grow apart. Tell him how you feel and that you want both of you to make time for your relationship. Let him know that you are not feeling as connected as you did when you started dating and that you want to make strengthening your relationship a priority. Take the time to really listen to him. Don’t assume you know what he is thinking or what he needs. Care about his needs as much as you want him to care about yours.
Make time for a date night
Make time for a date night every week or bi-weekly. Make it happen no matter how tired you are. When your partner engages with you, pay attention. You don’t want him to give up trying to talk to you because you blow him off or ignore him because you are too busy on your phone. Give him some time at the end of the day and ask him how he is doing.
Let him know you are listening by responding thoughtfully and compassionately. Don’t act like he is wasting your time. Eat at least one meal a day together and check in during that time. Make it a point to hug or kiss him when either of you leaves or gets home. Say goodnight to each other. Hold hands when you are walking together or sitting in a restaurant waiting for your food.
If he is losing interest, be mindful that you are not pushing him away because your relationship is all about you and what you need.
A man can only give so much before he loses interest because his needs are not met. As women, we can be demanding, and a good man will do his best to meet those demands. At the same time, it is important that his needs, both physical and emotional are also being met.
You will know he is losing interest because he has “checked out.” He has lost the excitement of being with you and responds to requests to do something together with very little enthusiasm. He will spend less and less time with you and may make excuses to avoid doing things with you. He can become indifferent to your emotions and reactions to his behavior.
Invest in your relationship by engaging with him on a daily basis.
To prevent him losing interest or taking you for granted, invest in your relationship by engaging with him on a daily basis. Don’t take him for granted if you don’t want him to take you for granted. Don’t push him away by ignoring his needs in the relationship. You cannot put your relationship in "park" and expect it to remain the same if you do not feed and nurture it.
A plant will wither without water. The enthusiasm in your relationship will fade without love and attention. Either way you get back what you give your relationship. There are no guarantees because life is unpredictable and uncertain. At the very least even if the relationship fails, you can say with integrity that you tried and gave it your best.