January 4, 2019

Is He Serious About Me or Just Playing? 4 Experts Show Exactly How To Find Out

is he serious about me or just playing

“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”

~ Mandy Hale

# Watch out for the below 5 signs
Kavita A. Hatten

You and a man have gone on a few dates. He shows interest in you and you in him. There is some fun, light conversation, mixed with flirtation and kissing. He tells you he likes you, that he had fun and wants to see you again. All the above indicates that a man is interested in a woman, right? Yes. But, how can you know if there is potential of a relationship at the beginning? How can you know after just a few dates if he is serious about getting to know you better or just playing? 

Here are 5 key behaviors to pay attention to when you're dating.

If you pay attention to these important signs, you'll save yourself time, energy and disappointment. 

1. He calls 

The first sign to look for to know if a man is interested in getting to know you is if he calls. Not only does calling take more effort than a text, it's a sign that he values and respects you. It also shows that he likes to hear your voice. Although a text is more convenient and necessary to just check in or confirm plans (or even flirt), a phone call is a more intimate gesture and is a good segway to develop a connection with someone. For you, hearing the man's voice can also be the connection that you need. 

2. He shows interest 

When a man is interested in a woman, he shows interest in her by asking about her day, her work, family and friends. He'll ask questions, follow-up and listen. For a man that's interested in a woman, it's important to him how he connects with her, not only on dates, but in between to 

maintain a connection. Nothing is more unattractive than a conversation that is one-sided. You will know immediately if his interest is genuine by the way he talks to you. 

3. He makes plans 

A steadfast way to know if he's interested is if he makes plans to see you. If he's serious about you, he'll want to spend time with you. He'll call, ask you when you're free and especially give you advance notice. A man that does not give notice to get-together on a regular basis isn't valuing your time or respecting you. He assumes you'll be there at a minute's notice.

Another way to know is if he understands if your schedule doesn't allow for you to meet up. He'll be flexible and ask to see you another day. When your time and priorities are valued, you will feel that you're getting to know a man that respects you and your boundaries. 

4. He does what he says 

A man that wants to get to know you better will do what he says. He will call when he says he will and follow through with dates. He will also be on time. When it comes to human psychology, behavior says a lot. If his behavior matches his words, you have someone who can make a commitment and keep it. Nothing feels more special when you are looking forward to seeing your man and there he is. 

5. He appreciates the little things 

Having a romantic dinner, going on vacation and having elaborate plans are always exciting, but the little things can be far more meaningful. A man that's serious about a woman will enjoy spending time with her, just sitting on the couch, talking or watching a movie. He likes being in her presence. It's the woman that he likes. You will know if he's "into you." You will not have to guess. 

If you pay attention to these simple behaviors, you will be far ahead in the dating game. Not only will you be getting to know someone that you like, are attracted to and have a connection with, you will feel more respected and empowered in the process. 

Kavita A. Hatten, MS, LPC, NCC- www.phoenixcounseling.net

# The truth is how you show up in your own worthiness directly relates to how a man treats you and will continue to treat you
Kate Houston

Before you look at the man you are dating, let's take a long, honest look in the mirror at yourself. Are you serious about dating? What do I mean?

Are you dating this man because he's there? Because he asked or was the one guy who paid you a compliment? Or are you choosing him because of his finer qualities? How he treats others walking down the street? Talks to wait staff? And most of all, treats you? Does he make you a priority because you also make you a priority in your own life?

Have you been open and vulnerable with your man about your feelings, hopes, fears and dreams and did he embrace and nurture you, acknowledging that you have let him into a special place in your heart just by being that open with him?

Or did he pull away, distancing himself from the sight of your vulnerability and did you still remain with him?

Do you find yourself making excuses for his behavior, even defending his lack of consideration to you and others, because of his past wounds and pain stories? Do you keep accepting his inconsistent behavior, attention and affection toward you? Does he walk all over any boundaries you set, and you don't do anything to maintain the boundaries with him?

The truth is how you show up in your own worthiness directly relates to how a man treats you and will continue to treat you.

Because you won't even attract a player if you know your worth and are willing to wait for a quality man to show up, step up and pursue you. A woman who is seriously committed to her own value and able to stand strong and firm for her boundaries will attract a man who respects that and sees that as a quality to admire. Because then it means something to him when you do open up to him.

So get out there, flirt with life, not just men and love, be generous with your heart and compliments so that it's easier to show the next man you date a deeper piece of your heart because you live life that way.

Risk it. And pay attention to how he treats you and others. And at the first sight of inconsiderate behavior make a choice - to stay with a man and accept said player behavior, or decide to take a stand for what you want, need and desire in a partner. The man will either change his ways to be a better man or he will walk. Either way, you WIN!

Kate Houston, Love Coach - www.rockstarlibrarian.com

# Watch out for the below signs

‘It doesn’t matter how slowly we go as long as we don’t stop’

He’s handsome, he’s polite, he has the sweetest smile, but is he interested? Like really interested or is he just playing games?

Here are a few ways to know:

He listens, he holds space for you.

Lets face it females are emotional beings, it’s a part of the beauty of our nature, we identify with everything, with the flow of life. Sometimes that overflows in the form of emotions, maybe even anger or tears. A guy who is just playing games is not going to have the capacity or the desire to listen to you in those moments and hold space. Note that I didn’t say rescue you or solve your problems, but he listens & he takes the time & energy to be there for you.

He’s thoughtful.

Not only does he listen but he reflects the things you say, the things he’s witnessed you loving, wanting to try, etc back to you. This lets you know he not only listened, paid attention, but he also cared enough to think about it i.e. you & to go out of his way to reflect that back to i.e. Buying you your favorite sweet treat & adding a little love note even just a few sweet simple words like ‘I love it when you smile’ or ‘Not as Sweet as you’ etc. if he wears your favorite color, grabs your favorite drink, remembers the nickname you have for your kitten, the list goes on but basically, he shows you that not only does he think of you he cares. This is a keeper.

He shares himself with you.

Maybe he shows you his favorite spot, shares a story from childhood, lets you in on a secret… he shares himself with you. His hopes, his dreams, his fears. He opens up his heart and he shares himself with you.

He talks about the future.

And he’s not afraid when you do either. Whether it’s marriage or a possible future family, travel goals, fun plans for future holidays and traditions a man who is playing games won’t be sharing a vision for a future with you and he will probably cringe and or run if and when you do. A man who is truly interested and serious about love in general or should I say ‘open to it’ is not going to be afraid of these things, he’s going to be contemplating them and open to sharing them with you.

He’s consistent and Present.

Men who are playing games will not be consistent with their efforts or adoration. I’m not talking about him doing his thing for a day or two or needing his own time and space which in all good relationships is healthy, aka don’t freak out in the beginning if you don’t hear from him for 24 hour etc but with healthy space and balance over time, he’s consistent he shows up time and time again and lets you know he’s interested.

A man who’s serious about you is going to desire to be present in your life and secure his connection with you. That’s probably the best gift he can give you, his presence and time.

In my opinion commitment should be a natural bi product of really delicious good relating between you and your love. It shouldn’t be some be all end all space to get to with timelines and titles dictating your life, release, relax, let go…. And truly Enjoy your person, enjoy the experience of learning each other which we will always be doing in different ways and just let it happen… if you two are compatible and the sparks are there, if he’s open and so are you and it’s the right time, commitment will happen, naturally.

In the mean time, look for the signs above to gain clarity on his intentions so you know whether to move on to open yourself to meet the love you are truly worthy of, or if you have already found it in him.

Ashley Davene, Relationship Counselor - www.ashleydavene.com

# Simply ask him what his intentions are
Jacklyn Bystritsky

The best way to know is to simply ask him what are his intentions.

Being so direct could be very anxiety provoking for a lot of people but think about all the time you will save yourself being anxious wondering and not knowing what’s in his head? They say honesty is the best policy, so then be honest with him about your intentions for the relationship and also be direct when questioning him about his intentions. 

If you are going on a first date or you have just recently started dating him, you can still be direct in letting him know what you are looking for.

Just by putting it out there by saying something to the effect of “I’m at a point in my life where I finally feel ready to settle down with the right person” or “I’m looking for a meaningful connection” let’s him know right off the bat that you are not into wasting your time. If this scares him away, then he is not looking for the same thing that you are. So if that’s the case, do you want to continue investing your time and energy into someone who is not on the same page as you are? 

If you are direct and he tells you that he is also looking for a serious relationship, but then his actions show otherwise, then you know he wasn’t being honest with you.

His words and actions need to line up with each other. Pay attention to if he is stalling on introducing you to his friends and family. Also pay attention to how often he calls you during the week and how frequently he asks to make plans to see you. 

 Jackie Krol, LCSW – www.psychotherapistjackie.wordpress.com

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