My Best Friend Has A Crush On Me But I Don’t: What Should I Do?
Q. My name is Sandy and recently a friend confessed that he has had a crush on me for a long time. I was surprised because I have only seen him as a good friend. When he expressed his feelings, I felt awkward and didn’t know how to react. I think he felt the same way because he hasn’t talked to me like the way he used to. Things seem to have changed. I like him, but I am not sure if I will be able to see him as a boyfriend. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t, I don’t know.
As a friend, he has been the most trustworthy person I have ever known in my life. I have shared things with him that I haven’t even shared with my closest girl friends. He understands me and knows everything about me and I feel the same way about him. So I understand why he has feelings for me. I think he feels that I am angry and upset but the truth is I am neither angry nor upset with him. I love him as a friend, but as a lover I am not sure how the transition would be.
I am open to dating him, but I am afraid of what would happen if things don’t turn out well. He is quite sensitive and I don’t want to hurt him. In short, I am caught between the idea of trying versus the fear of failure. Should I say a strict no to him and pursue a relationship with another guy or should I give him a chance?
Please advice.
A. Sandy, it’s wonderful that you are taking the time to really be thoughtful and assess your options.
It can be quite tricky navigating a shift from friends to lovers.
There is of course, no perfect solution but it’s important to ask yourself one critical question – “Will I regret not giving a romantic relationship a shot?”
Regret is something we should always keep in mind when making decisions as there is no “do over” or “reset” button in life.
While there is a risk of lamenting either choice, try to focus on what you may be more sorry for in the long run, in order to increase the clarity on your ultimate action. No matter what path you choose, remember that communication is key. Let your friend know your thoughts and ask him to work with you to problem solve (i.e. How to salvage the friendship if the relationship doesn’t work or how you two can address and move through the awkwardness if you decide not to pursue the relationship etc.)
A strong connection paired with solid communication may just be the recipe for relationship success. At minimum, you’ll have a great chance of securing the longevity of the friendship.
Best of luck to you!
About Allison Cohen
Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT is a licensed, private practice psychotherapist, with 11 years experience in individual and couples therapy.
With offices in Beverly Hills and Tarzana, CA, Allison specializes in aiding clients that struggle with life issues including self esteem, partner dynamics, family of origin conflict, identity formation, communication skills, intuitive eating, anxiety and depression.
She uses a kind but direct approach to provide concrete tools for life long change. She believes that the client is the expert on themselves and through an eclectic combination of orientations, she works to bring out the best version of the client that they can be.
She is a member of the California Association of Marriage Family Therapists, Divorce Transition Professionals and Psi Chi (the International Honor Society of Psychology).
To know more about Allison Cohen, visit www.lifeissuespsychotherapy.com.
You can find her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Allison-Cohen-MA-MFT/132037466865269.