September 1, 2018

My Best Friend Has A Crush On Me But I Don’t: What Should I Do?

My-Best-Friend-Has-A-Crush-On-Me-But-I-Dont-What-Should-I-Do

Q. My name is Sandy and recently a friend confessed that he has had a crush on me for a long time. I was surprised because I have only seen him as a good friend. When he expressed his feelings, I felt awkward and didn’t know how to react. I think he felt the same way because he hasn’t talked to me like the way he used to. Things seem to have changed. I like him, but I am not sure if I will be able to see him as a boyfriend. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t, I don’t know.

As a friend, he has been the most trustworthy person I have ever known in my life. I have shared things with him that I haven’t even shared with my closest girl friends. He understands me and knows everything about me and I feel the same way about him. So I understand why he has feelings for me. I think he feels that I am angry and upset but the truth is I am neither angry nor upset with him. I love him as a friend, but as a lover I am not sure how the transition would be.

I am open to dating him, but I am afraid of what would happen if things don’t turn out well. He is quite sensitive and I don’t want to hurt him. In short, I am caught between the idea of trying versus the fear of failure. Should I say a strict no to him and pursue a relationship with another guy or should I give him a chance?  

Please advice.

A. Sandy, it’s wonderful that you are taking the time to really be thoughtful and assess your options.

It can be quite tricky navigating a shift from friends to lovers.

There is of course, no perfect solution but it’s important to ask yourself one critical question – “Will I regret not giving a romantic relationship a shot?”

Regret is something we should always keep in mind when making decisions as there is no “do over” or “reset” button in life

While there is a risk of lamenting either choice, try to focus on what you may be more sorry for in the long run, in order to increase the clarity on your ultimate action.  No matter what path you choose, remember that communication is key.  Let your friend know your thoughts and ask him to work with you to problem solve (i.e. How to salvage the friendship if the relationship doesn’t work or how you two can address and move through the awkwardness if you decide not to pursue the relationship etc.)

A strong connection paired with solid communication may just be the recipe for relationship success. At minimum, you’ll have a great chance of securing the longevity of the friendship.

Best of luck to you!

About Allison Cohen

Allison Cohen

Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT is a licensed, private practice psychotherapist, with 11 years experience in individual and couples therapy.

With offices in Beverly Hills and Tarzana, CA, Allison specializes in aiding clients that struggle with life issues including self esteem, partner dynamics, family of origin conflict, identity formation, communication skills, intuitive eating, anxiety and depression.

She uses a kind but direct approach to provide concrete tools for life long change.  She believes that the client is the expert on themselves and through an eclectic combination of orientations, she works to bring out the best version of the client that they can be.

She is a member of the California Association of Marriage Family Therapists, Divorce Transition Professionals and Psi Chi (the International Honor Society of Psychology).

To know more about Allison Cohen, visit www.lifeissuespsychotherapy.com.

You can find her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Allison-Cohen-MA-MFT/132037466865269.

Related Posts

Can I Connect With an Emotionally Unavailable Man? An Expert Shares Powerful Insights on Exactly What You Should Know

My Boyfriend Likes Public Display Of Affection But I am Shy: What Should I Do?

I Think My Best Friend Is Interested In My Boyfriend: What Should I Do?

I Have Concerns About My Boyfriend’s Family: What Should I Do?

I am Getting Cold Feet About My Marriage: What Should I Do?

My Boyfriend’s Family Doesn’t Like Me: What Should I Do?

I am Dating a Former Player and Have My Doubts On Whether Our Relationship Can Succeed Long Term: What Should I Do?

I Have Feelings For My Ex Boyfriend But He Isn’t So Sure: What Should I Do?

He Broke Up With Me Because He Lost His Job But I Still Want To Be With Him – What Should I Do?

I am Bored in My Relationship With My Boyfriend: What Should I Do?

My Boyfriend Gives Me the Silent Treatment: What Should I Do?

He Lives With an Attractive Female Roommate and this Bothers Me: What Should I Do?

I am Not Able To Forget My Ex Boyfriend and Move On: What Should I Do?

I am Dating a Man Who Cheated In His Previous Relationship: What Should I Do?

I am Ambitious and Financially Successful But He Is Not: What Should I Do?

How To Set Boundaries and Not Take Things Personally

He Spends More Time With His Friend and Prioritizes Him Over Me – What Should I Do?

My Boyfriend Buys Me Gifts All The Time And I Feel Awkward About It: What Should I Do?

I am a Single Mom Dating a Man Much Younger Than Me & He Wants To Have a Long Term Committed Relationship: What Should I Do?

I Feel Uncomfortable With My Boyfriend’s Relationship With His Female Friend: What Should I Do?

I am a Successful, Independent Woman and I Drive Men Away: What Should I Do?

I Fear Being Single and Lonely Forever: What Should I Do?

I am Dating a Man Separated From His Wife and She Is Trying To Woo Him Back: What Should I Do?

I Like a Guy Who Doesn’t Believe In Marriage: What Should I Do?

I am Dating a Man Who Is Out Of My League and I am Not Sure the Relationship Will Last: What Should I Do?

My Boyfriend is a Natural Flirt and Checks Out Other Women: What Should I Do?

I Tend To Fall In Love Too Quickly; Too Hard And Drive Men Away: What Should I Do?

I Want To Cuddle With My Boyfriend Sometimes, But He Prefers To Have Sex: What Should I Do?

I Want My Boyfriend To Propose But I am Not Sure He Will Do It Anytime Soon: What Should I Do?

I am Falling For My Boyfriend’s Friend: What Should I Do?

Exposed: The Magical Text That Makes Almost Any Man Psychologically Addicted to You…