My Ex Won’t Talk To Me the Way He Used To: What Should I Do?
Video Summary
In this video for Digital Romance TV, breakup expert Clay Andrews explains the five stages of getting back with your ex that may be the reason for the seemingly mixed messages he’s sending you. It has something to do with emotional reactance.
What is emotional reactance?
During the relationship, much of the feelings you and your ex have for each other are positive emotions. But as you move towards a breakup, those positive feelings decreased and may even be down to zero during and right after the breakup. Emotional reactance is the feeling your ex has for you after the breakup; it is the gap between 100% positive emotions and whatever remained after the breakup.
In order to get back with your ex, you need to narrow down that gap. As you do, you go through five different stages of getting back together.
First Stage: The Wall of Reactance
Right after breakup, there’s almost 100% reactance or zero positive feelings. This is why your ex simply won’t talk to you, he’s “walling” you out. The harder you try to get through, the more resistant he is.
To get past this stage, you need to whittle away at your ex’s emotional reactance with small, innocuous messages instead of making a big move such as asking them outright to get back together.
Stage 2: The Test Drive
At stage 2, your ex has a bit more positive feelings for you. He’s not ready to emotionally invest by having a full conversation with you just yet, but he’s testing the waters.
This is why when you asked him how he’s doing, you might get one-word replies. To get past this stage, shift the communication from the surface down to a level where there is emotional connection.
Stage 3: Riding the Dragon
Stage 3 is right about the midpoint where your ex totally hates your guts or he wants to be with you again. He’s confused and so gives you mixed signals.
Instead of getting caught up in your ex’s hot and cold messages, stay the course and keep building that emotional connection you have developed in Stage 2 to get past this stage.
Stage 4: The crisis point
Stage 4 is where your ex has majority positive feelings for you. The remaining reactance is most likely related to your breakup. To get past this, demonstrate to – not tell – your ex that your relationship will now be different from the one he walked out of. Over time, this will get him over that last hurdle and into the fifth stage.
Stage 5: New beginnings
At this point, all there is left to do is to talk with your ex about getting back together.
About Clay Andrews
Clay Andrews is a dating and relationship coach who helps women find the right type of man they can create a loving and thriving relationship with. He is the creator of Ex Solution Program- a program that helps couples get back together. To know more about Clay, visit his website below.