In this video, relationship expert Evan Marc Katz, advise women to try dating against their type. There’s nothing wrong with having a type. Most of us are attracted to a certain type of person, physically or personality-wise. Definitely, too, you should not be dating someone you’re not attracted to.
But if dating your type has not been working for you – and only led to what is called “dating the same guy in a different body” – then maybe it’s time to try a different approach to dating. Sometimes, what you’re attracted to is not exactly good for you or that you will not be compatible in the long run. That does not mean giving up on your type entirely; it just means trading off some qualities to find a better fit.
How do you find the better fit?
Some women marry the person they feel safe with but are not attracted to; some do the exact opposite. Perhaps your happiness is finding a point between two extremes? The person who can give you this might not exactly be your type but when looking for your match, it’s not just about who he is but also about who you are when you’re with him.
Women who are in happy, successful relationships have a checklist for finding their true love: mutual respect, passion, common values, connection and friendship. These are what gives you fulfillment in a a long-term relationship. The challenge then is not meeting a certain type of man; the challenge is becoming the person who you are meant to be in a relationship.
How do you navigate between the differences of your personalities?
Dating against your type may be the solution but it can also be a problem. You have your differences, which can lead to annoyances; and when those little irritations build up, you might lose sight of the complementation of your personalities. But know that the good outweighs the bad.
Remember why you married him: he’s the best person for you. Unconditional love is your starting point. And because you love him, you put up with his quirks, same as he puts up with yours. Don't expect him to change – he will not. Accept him for who he is and know that ultimately it is his strengths that contribute to the relationship.
Why does it scare you to be with someone who's not your type?
It’s unfamiliar, that’s why it can be scary to venture out and date someone who’s personality is not something you're used to. You’re going through an evolution and that takes time. You won't have it all figured out in a day. This evolution is not about the man; it’s about you feeling more secure about yourself so that you become a partner who is compatible with a better man.
As a gauge in any relationship, the only question you should really be asking yourself is this: how do I feel about this man and this relationship? If he enhances you and your happiness, then it’s worth a try. If he brings you down, though, then cut him loose.
About Evan Marc Katz
Billed as a “personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women,” dating coach Evan Marc Katz has been helping singles find love since 2003. Thousands of his clients have fallen in love, gotten married, started families, and found happiness – after only a few months of coaching. It’s an unlikely career for a man – much less a man who was called a “serial dater” by CNN- yet that’s what makes Katz such a unique coach. By helping women understand men – what they think, how they act, and what they really want – he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love.