What To Do After a Fight With Your Boyfriend – 3 Relationship Experts Reveal Incredibly Powerful + Effective Strategies
“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”
~ Mandy Hale
Even in the healthiest and best relationships, couples will have arguments… in fact, healthy arguments can even be a sign of a good relationship because in the right scenarios you can learn more about each other and go deeper from those places of conflict, it’s also proof you both care. So, it’s happened… your fears got the best of you, you were really triggered and you had a blow out with Bae… now what?
Here are a few healthy ways to handle it;
1. Give yourself time to cool off. In my first book ‘Art of Love’ I use the analogy of allowing the soup time to cool down before you try to eat it otherwise you’re just going to burn your mouth, the same is true in love and relating. Don’t try to jump in when everything is heated give yourself and your partner healthy space and time to cool down and gain perspective. Often when we have a chance to step back we are then able to see things more clearly and we can hold space for ourselves and our partner in a way that is seeking compromise and connection, not encouraging more fighting and disconnect.
2. Don’t keep the fight going. Remember, in relating, we should always be seeking to do just that, relate to each other, to find compromise and common ground, to go deeper into love. Don’t keep the fight going, don’t carry on the silent treatment, the cold shoulder etc, because really that just means that you haven’t let it go.
A great relationship is a union of two good forgivers and ultimately you realize that holding onto anger is like holding a hot rock, you’re only burning yourself and in this case further damaging the relationship… let it go. Let your love be louder than your ego, soften and open your heart to your partner.
3. Talk it out. You might be tempted to just sweep it under the rug, to go straight back to happily relating like nothing ever happened, but this can be a recipe for disaster. Without resolution, without getting to the heart of the issue, the same scenario will often play out in different ways again and again.
Try to get to the moral of the story so you can fix it and it doesn’t keep happening. Keep in mind it’s not usually about the dishes being left in the sink or the trash not being taken out – those are bi-products of the real issues which is more likely; your not being present, thoughtful or aware etc. go deep to the root in order to create true healing growth and connection.
4. Apologize. Your apology should be as loud as your disrespect was. Don’t just throw out a half hearted apology, be genuine and sincere. Let your partner know you see the places where fear got the best of you. Let them know you have genuine remorse for any ways in which your actions hurt them.
Let them know that you’ve learned and will apply that knowledge in the future so that you don’t continue to repeat the same patterns. It shouldn’t be about being ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ in love … that kind of mentality will keep you constantly divided. It should be about being Love … so ask yourself, what would Love do?
Treat your partner like they are on the same team as you and you are looking for solutions, not as someone who’s against you that your running defense on, this will make a world of difference. Never be to big to be love, apologize sincerely & admit where you are off.
5. Reconnect. Now that you’ve given yourself time to cool down, you’ve truly let the anger go, you’ve talked it out, you’ve apologized…. Take time to reconnect with your partner. While I never suggest sex as a way to resolve an argument, I do definitely suggest it after you’ve taken these above steps.. whether it’s passionate love making, laying together heart to heart or side by side watching your favorite show, a long walk on the beach, playing together!
Having fun. It’s truly important to remember to reconnect physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually with your partner after a fight. This will calm the tensions and remind you, again, why you’re choosing to be with them in the first place.