What To Do When an Emotionally Unavailable Man Keeps Coming Back ? 3 Experts Show Exactly How To Find Out
“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”
~ Mandy Hale
It can be difficult to care for someone who does not possess the tools necessary for a healthy long term relationship.
More specifically, when the person you are dating is emotionally unavailable. You might think that you are a great match. You enjoy the same things, have similar life goals and have fun together. However, you have found that when it comes to intimacy, he lacks the ability to be vulnerable.
In the case of relationships, vulnerability does not mean weakness.
It means the ability to open up your feelings and expose your inner self because you trust your partner. Being emotionally unavailable prohibits a relationship from progressing in a healthy way and makes it nearly impossible to develop true intimacy. It is difficult to end a relationship that otherwise seems to be a positive force in your life. You can communicate your feelings and expectations and give your partner time to develop or improve upon his emotional intelligence.
For some of us, it might not come naturally to communicate our feelings or just listen to others express their feelings.
It does not mean that we are not capable of doing so, but that we need time to develop those skills or build upon our own emotional intelligence. With patience and open communication there is hope that we can help our partner improve their ability to be vulnerable. One way to encourage your partner to open up is to model that behavior. You can identify and verbalize your feelings in a natural way.
Another strategy is to validate your partner’s verbalizations.
If our partner says, “I had a rough day”, you can respond with “It sounds like you had a tough day. Tell me more about it.” It takes practice, but just summarizing your partner’s verbalizations creates a supportive environment and provides validation. Not everyone is cut out to support such change. Change can be difficult and is often a long and arduous process.
It can be tricky to be in a relationship in which you are trying to change your partner.
Sometimes it is better to move toward acceptance and end a relationship that you understand to be unfulfilling. We all have a variety of emotional needs and we prioritize them differently.
If emotional availability is important to you and you are dating someone who just can’t give you what you need, it is okay to end the relationship. You are worthy of all that your heart desires. You do not have to try and change him and you do not have to settle.
Let your partner know that you have enjoyed your time together and you respect who he is, but you are looking for a long term relationship with someone who can be vulnerable and develop emotional intimacy. There is no need to lower your expectations. Establishing your values and prioritizing them is a healthy way to navigate your journey toward a lasting romantic relationship.