Qualities To Look For in a Man Before Getting Married – 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Look For in Mr. Right
“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”
~ Mandy Hale
After working in mental health for nearly a decade, I have had the opportunity to observe couples and individuals navigating a process of singlehood, marriage and divorce. While the divorce rate continues to remain relatively stable, in that one out of every two marriages ends in divorce, it’s important to reevaluate the essential qualities of a husband.
After all, building a marriage solely based on romantic love is like deciding to make a cake with ingredients for the frosting only.
Based on my research and observations, the following five qualities are essential for women who want a lifetime partner:
1. Attraction – Contrary to some belief systems, physical and mental attraction are important. If she does not have physical attraction to him, she may likely try to conjure feelings in some other way by making excuses. She may say, “but he’s got good conversation” or “I would like him more if he lost his belly.” This is not helpful in the dating or even the latter engagement process.
Furthermore, the mental attraction and conversation with each other, should not be forced but require minimal effort. In short, the chemistry and appeal is essential for someone you get to wake up to for the rest of your life.
2. Fiscal Responsibility – Is he responsible with his money and investments? Is his credit stable? Is he paying his bills on time or overextending his credit cards? Does his discussion signal a desire for a debt-free life? A financially-sound mate will be able to navigate the money matters of the household well. Because money is one of the top reasons for divorce, fiscal responsibility is essential in a husband.
3. Consideration – A man who is considerate does not think only himself and his needs but also cares for his partner’s needs well. A considerate person reacts to challenges, not with criticism but with care. In a world where many say whatever they want to say on social media, the considerate person is proof that there is calm and kindness in a cold world.
4. Family Connection and Communication – How does he speak to his parents? Does he come from a broken family? Do his decisions reflect family brokenness, grief or other unresolved issues? Is he helpful to family members and friends? What does his circle look like? A woman can tell a lot about a man from his interactions with his circle and support system. How he treats others is a sign of how he will treat you.
5. Boundaries – To be able to work well as a professional and have a strong personal life, a person has to have solid boundaries. That means a “no” is no and a “yes” is yes. He communicates his boundaries, wants and needs clearly and succinctly. While we all change our minds from time to time, a woman who dates a great boundary keeper won’t spend all of her time worrying about where she stands with him. A great boundary-keeper is a winner in almost every area of life.
Determining these five qualities in a partner is only the beginning of the process towards creating a sustainable relationship, but these qualities are essential. Those who desire marriage must view dating soberly and preciously, not haphazardly. While there is fun to be had, there’s a foundation to build first.
Joy McNeil, PhD, LPC, TFCBT – www.thewellingplace.com
Deciding to get married is a major decision in life so you want to be as sure as possible that the person you're marrying is the right choice for you.
I say 'as sure as possible' because it is impossible to be 100% sure that you are making the right choice. But there are certain qualities in a spouse that are important to have because if your spouse has those qualities, then that will increase the chances that you are marrying a partner who is a good choice for you.
These qualities are as follows:
1. Respectful - He has great respect for you and everyone around him; he is courteous and polite
2. Honest and Trustworthy - He does not lie to you or others; you feel safe with him and know you can trust him
3. Loyal - He is faithful
4. Sincere - He is selfless and genuine; he does not act as if he is better than you, he sees you as his equal
5. Responsible - You feel assured that he will follow through on his word; he will take care of things such as help you with chores; you feel safe knowing he will feed the kids when you're working late, he'll prepare dinner, he'll help you pay the bills, etc
6. Reliable - You know you can depend on him when you need his help
7. Mature - He does not behave in any immature manner
8. Kind - He is generous with his time and attention towards you and others who might be in need at the moment
9. Grateful - He does not take you for granted; he appreciates having you in his life; acts proud that you are his woman