He Texts Me But Doesn’t Ask Me Out- What Should I Do?

Woman meets man.  They exchange numbers. Texting ensues, as the standard level of communication. 

For many singles, the texting level is both an initial communication level and the burial ground of a relationship.  Endless texting without a significant, planned meeting can signal the death of a possible relationship.  

In an effort to keep it casual and nonchalant, the woman continues to engage in a mutual texting conversation that is cyclical, but ultimately goes nowhere.  However, there’s one caveat to mention:  Some women won’t admit the ending of a possible relationship to themselves until much later.

She won’t admit that she’s more than likely fallen into an endless sea of possibilities within his textable universe.  The attention he pays her via text feels like real connection.   In the excitement of the moment it’s difficult to remember that feelings are indeed temporary, as are experiments. 

Every scientist understands that an experiment with a hypothesis has a starting and stopping point.  Experiments do not go on forever, nor do texting relationships, or in this case “textships”.  

A textship is simply a conversation or conversations between two people using words, emojis, and abbreviations (lol, smh, wyd, etc.) to convey feelings or sentiment.

Are you dealing with a man who texts, but does not ask you out?  Understand that you ultimately control your thoughts and behavior regarding the man and the textship. 

Here are some points that can add some flavor to your decision-making process.

1. The force behind every textship is boundaries. 

Every textship needs a clear end point, that’s where the official “do you like me” meeting begins or where the textship ends and is buried.  A woman determines the terms and conditions of her end of the textship.  Sounds rather like legalese, but she is simply determining her role. 

Questions to ask yourself:  How long am I going to engage in this textship?  

My recommendation is no more than two weeks of textship without a clear, defined move for a face-to-face meeting.  What types of questions should I ask during the conversation? Make a list of fun, yet meaningful questions.  What are my expectations of this communication?  Set your standards and keep them there.  Based on the information gathered, am I going to go further? Make a decision and stick with it.

2.  Stay present in the moment. 

If you’ve created an entire relationship, engagement, wedding and marriage in your head to a person you don’t know, you’ve gone too far.  Do not pass Go yet.  A textship builds no real, tangible momentum, but when used properly it can provide clarity and information. 

In other words, a woman may think she desires to be asked out, when she really only desires information and the feeling (temporary) of being wanted.  Please remember it is not real until the face-to-face.  And, many people video chat, but that does not take the place of a genuine meet-up.  Show commitment through true presence. 

3.  Lack of clarity leads to lack of direction. 

Lack of clarity is a drug that keeps people clinging to the idea of the person, but not truly knowing the real person.  Whether meeting the person online or in the grocery store for a few minutes, lack of clarity (clear, definitive answers) leads to lack of direction. 

He may not ask you out because he’s not clear on what you want or what he wants.  He may not ask you out because he is used to women asking him out.  Furthermore, he may not ask you out because he has no intention to ask you ever.   

Perhaps he’s just experimenting.  He may be expecting an invitation to dinner at your home.  Many relationships never start because both people were never on the same page or in the same book.  The addiction to the romanticized version of the person won’t work.  

Be intentional about knowing the full person.  And, if the full person does not want to be known, there is someone out there that does desire to be known.  Women must place value on multidirectional communication and curiosity.  What did that mean?  Be curious.  Be open.  Develop conversation that just will not quit. 

Simple advice:  Don’t become so addicted to the idea of a person that you miss the intentions of the person. 

Relationships take time and effort; and in many ways, they are indeed intentional with the potential to be long-lasting.  Textships, on the other hand, can be time wasters, especially with no expected end or planned meet-up.  

Enjoy your textship temporarily.  Internalize your boundaries and standards.   Stay present in the moment.  Remember your direction and focus.  There are endless possibilities ahead, but a textship may have to be buried so that you can realize the greatness that is not only out there but in you as you date smarter, not harder.