Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Of late, I have felt that things are getting monotonous between us. We both have jobs that take up most of our time and at the end of the day, we have little time and energy left. Most weekends we just stay home and try to de-stress ourselves from the grueling week. We don’t argue or fight much but the passion and spark seem to be fading away.
A part of me tells that it is normal for every relationship to tone down in intensity and passion after the initial phase but a part of me also says that I am settling for less and not doing my best to work towards a happy and fulfilling relationship.
What can I do to break the monotony and boredom and bring back the excitement and passion in our relationship?
A. This is a very common problem that occurs in most relationships.
It is very interesting that at the beginning of relationships we are often willing to explore new experiences with our partners, and then over time we do that less and less. I believe there are two important ideas to consider.
The first has to do with each of you as an individual. Are you both engaging in things that are exciting for you on individual level? Whether it is related to career, hobbies, creative endeavors, etc., it is important to be involved in things that you love.
If you have lost some of those things in your life, which often happens in relationships, it is time to rekindle the passion for them.
You will then be able to bring that excitement to the relationship because you will be fulfilled as an individual. Fatigue often happens when we are doing things that are not that exciting to us. The second idea is to continue to be proactive in exploring new experiences together.
You must be willing to do things that stretch you a bit.
It may something as simple as being more open or vulnerable, or it may be going to places you have never been. It may be expressing more appreciation for each other than you normally would. Growth-oriented actions such as these will lead to more passion and excitement in your relationship.
I believe that we are all innately curious and a have fundamental drive to grow and become more, and when this is thwarted we experience boredom. So give yourself permission right now to begin follow your excitement in life and proactively pursue new experiences with your partner.