July 13, 2018

Will He Come Back To Me If I Let Him Go? – 5 Fascinating Insights From the Top Relationship Experts

Will He Come Back To Me If I Let Him Go?

“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”

~ Mandy Hale

# Be honest with what you need and see if they can provide it
Katherine-Woodworth

This is always a tough question

Do you really want someone you have to play games with?  Are you working harder on the relationship than they are? Is this a pattern in the relationship? Was it ever a normal of good or just good moments? Is it a relationship that's new (under 6 months) or not?  Are you looking at them for who they are or who you want them to be?

People treat others sometimes by saying something just to see the response.  If you do this, don't be surprised if they take you up on the idea.  So if you say you are leaving, be prepared to do it, and be prepared for them to be ok with it.

Testing someone is no way to have a relationship.  

You need to be able to trust each other. Doing this would only teach the other not to listen to you since you don't mean what you say.  Threatening for proof or control puts your relationship in rocky area.  You can't build a healthy relationship on rocks. 

Telling someone you want to leave is hurtful. Talk to the  person, let them know you are done with whatever you are done with. If you can't make decisions as a team then how are you going to work as a team in the relationship. 

Be honest with what you need and see if they can provide it

Dating is meant to see if you are compatible for long term.  If you are not coming to any understandings, then you may not really be meant to be together. It doesn't mean either of you are good or bad or right or wrong.  This may hurt, but it would be best for you both to be with people who care about you in a way you know.

Don't sell yourself short and don't short the other person by trying to be somewhere that is not good for either of you.

Be you,  be happy

Katherine Woodworth, LPC, CRC – www.fairwaycounseling.com

# Let him go and stay empowered
Amy-Sherman

If your boyfriend wants to leave, let him go.  

Don’t force him to be with you based on guilt, sympathy, fear or intimidation. Whatever his reasons for leaving, they are valid to him, even if you don’t agree.

Your job is to stay empowered, develop unwavering confidence and maintain your love vibration so that someone more worthy of you comes into your life

Will your boyfriend come back if he sees you doing well?  No one knows for sure, but it doesn’t matter, because you are not blocked or stuck.  You are ready to face the demons of fear, doubt, and insecurity and set clear intentions to regain your personal power and self-worth.

Moving on is difficult, if the circumstances play out that way.

First you need to go through the grieving process of losing the relationship, which includes feeling anger, sadness and guilt.  Then you have to release the baggage associated with those feelings so that you are open and receptive to meeting someone new.  All this takes time and may require a coach or counselor to help you through it.

So don’t waste precious time repeating the same mistakes or following the same patterns of your past.

Instead, pick yourself up, brush yourself off and create a powerful new intention to attract your perfect match.

All this insight and understanding will prepare you to once again be in a committed, long-term relationship that offers you the respect, romance, love and emotional support you deserve.

Amy Sherman, M.A., LMHC – www.yourbabyboomersnetwork.com

# Consider the below things
Jacklyn B

Things must not be going well if you are contemplating letting him go. It is a difficult decision to make even if things are not going as you had planned for them to go.

Of course there are only two variations of outcomes if you let him go.

Yes, he may realize he missed out on a wonderful woman and a great chance at a happy relationship OR he might realize that the both of you were not a good match after all. One thing is for sure....You must be ready for him to never come back to you if you let him go BEFORE you actually let him go.

If you are not ready for that outcome, then think twice or even thrice before you make this decision because there is no guarantee the outcome will be as you desire it to be. 

Here are some things to consider before you make the decision to let him go:

1. What is the reason you are thinking of breaking up with him?

2. Is this a good enough reason? Think about how important is this reason for you. Is this a deal breaker?

3. Is there any chance of meeting each other half way on the issue and compromising?

4. Have you tried to communicate your feelings and concerns about the issue at hand?

If this is not a deal breaker for you and you have done everything you can to resolve the problem in the relationship and if he is unwilling to compromise with you, then maybe it is time to go your separate ways.

If he is willing to compromise but things don't seem to be improving, then maybe it is time to sit down and have an in-depth conversation about what else can be done to fix the problem. 

Jackie B, LCSW – www.psychotherapistjackie.wordpress.com

# Don't strategize and be honest
Sally-Leboy

It’s never a good idea to strategize a relationship

Once you start playing the “If I…then will he…?” game, you are casting your fate to the wind.  You have no idea how he will respond, especially since he isn’t privy to the game you are playing.  

Personally if you’re counting on him recognizing your value if you leave him, you might consider that you’ve actually diminished your value by resorting to a manipulative tactic.  

You have also given away your power to influence the relationship in any effective way.  It’s a dangerous role of the dice. Believe me, there is no healthy reason to do this!

You are also actively diminishing any reason he would have to trust you.  You are playing with his emotions.  Loss of trust is a fatal blow to a relationship.  Even if he doesn’t recognize the manipulation right away, you’ve set in motion a negative dynamic that will eventually catch up to you.  Again, don’t do it.

Being confused in a relationship is normal

There are pros and cons to any relationship and sometimes it’s difficult to figure out if what you are giving up is worth what you are gaining.  Of course you need to answer this question for yourself, but doing that requires an honest examination of him, you and what it is you create together.  Honestly, if you are considering duplicity as a way to figure this out, you are probably not mature enough for a relationship.

There is only one way to create a healthy loving relationship and that is honesty.

People make mistakes but once you start lying it’s hard to go back.  Trust is really difficult to regain.  Do your best not to lose it in the first place.

Sally LeBoy, MFT – www.sallyleboymft.com

# Let go
Margalis Fjelstad

Letting go means you are releasing, relinquishing, surrendering, and setting the other person free.

You are no longer making demands on him, having expectations, or looking for opportunities to reconnect. You’re removing all influences and pressure for him to do as you want.

In my experience, letting go can take quite a while.

It requires you to disconnect from all the romantic patterns that were established in your previous relationship. To really let go, you have to quit relying on him to do things for you, or take care of you, or consider you in his choices. You also have to quit thinking about him all the time and quit wondering what he’s doing or thinking or feeling.

Sometimes women want to let go and “remain friends”, often with the hope that he’ll change, or see you in a different light and fall in love again.

Again, it can take a lot longer to re-establish your relationship as friends than you might expect, because letting go of your sexual attraction takes time. It’s a powerful biological connection beyond your direct control. Just like any strong biological urge, it takes time to dissipate.

You even have to let go of your hopes and dreams about what might have been or could have been, or how he could change, or what you could say or do to get him back. If you’re really asking the question—Will he come back if…..—then you’re not letting go.

Letting go gives you a chance to move on with your life—to spend your time thinking about yourself, and what you think and feel.

It gives you back time to spend with your friends, do activities that you enjoy, pursue goals that are important to you. It gives you time to heal, grow and mature into a new version of yourself.

Only with these changes in YOU will you really be letting go. And only then will you find out if he wants to come back. But by then, you may not care anymore. In fact, you’ll very likely have met someone else who fits who you have become.

Margalis Fjelstad, Ph.D., LMFT – www.margalistherapy.com

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