“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”
~ Mandy Hale
The beginning of relationships can be so exciting as well as so anxiety provoking.
Women are often wondering, where the relationship is going, if the guy is really interested and if it will last. If you have been hurt in the past, you may be more guarded, afraid of being vulnerable because you may get hurt again.
It can be hard to tell the difference between a guy needing space, wanting to move slowly and a guy distancing himself because he does not want to continue the relationship.
If you are interested in the guy and he asks for space; do not be afraid to ask if you are exclusive and what does he mean by space?
If you were exclusive and now he is wanting to see other people; be honest with yourself as far as, if you are really okay with this. Do not go along with anything you are not comfortable with.
If he needs some space because he does not know what he wants as far as a relationship or a commitment; you can decide how long, if at all you are willing to date without the relationship progressing.
If the guy can not be honest in his communication as far as what kind of space he needs; and if he starts becoming more distant, such as not returning your calls or texts then he most likely does not want to continue the relationship.
Most women need some type of closure and of course deserve that; however sometimes this does not happen and a person just might stop communicating with them. It is appropriate if you do not hear back to follow up with one more phone call, text or email. You can only control your behavior.
If at that point there is still no response; that should be your closure.
Take some time to grieve the relationship that you wanted it to be; and decide when you feel ready to continue to date other people.
One other thing that I see happen a lot is a relationship will start out fast and intense, where the couple spend a lot of time together and then all of a sudden, they stop hearing back from the guy at all, or very sporadic. I would give it one chance to hear how busy the guy is and a reason why he is out of touch ( if you are really interested ) but when you do see him again; make your expectations clear in terms of communication.
If you are hearing from him once a month; be honest with yourself as to if you are getting your needs met by this.
More often then not, the women is not getting her needs met when this happens. You do not have to continue this type of relationship. If he does not know what he wants and you do; you certainly can choose to end it rather then wait for something that might never happen. I think if he is honest and communicating consistently with you : then if he needs space, give him space.
If he says he is going to call and doesn't or says he is going to meet you somewhere and does not show up; then you can choose as to whether or not you want to see him again or not. This type of behavior though usually indicates the man does not want a commitment or is not interested anymore.
Whatever the reason is for that behavior; you should not be treated that way anyway.
It is one thing to need space and still be respectful and honest; and another thing to be disrespectful and stop communicating with you, with little or no explanation. There are plenty of men out there that you would be better suited to then that. You are worth it!
Trisha Swinton, LPC, LMFT – www.trishaswintoncounseling.com
You know when things are going well in your relationship. You see him often, enjoy your time together and share common interests and goals, which make things very satisfying. But, you also will know when things change and you need to reassess your commitment.
Here are some signs to watch out for:
- He’s calling/texting you less
- He’s making excuses why he can’t see you
- He’s less romantic
- He’s forgetting important details or commitments you’ve made together
In other words, the relationship is losing some of the momentum it used to have. So does he just need space or is it over? How can you tell the difference?
If your partner appears to spend a lot of time with his friends and is too busy for you, he may be hinting that he enjoys their company more than yours. If he is less attentive, annoyed and even rude to you, he may be hinting that the end is near. Your only recourse is to find out what changed and if you can rekindle what you had or if it’s just too late.
Remember, when a guy needs space, it’s either because he’s afraid of getting too close, afraid things are moving too quickly, afraid he doesn’t know how he feels or just not ready to commit.
Are you willing to wait for him to be ready or are you able to walk away and let someone who knows what he wants step in? The answer is up to you and wasting time with someone who’s not sure, is not in your best interest.
Amy Sherman, M.A., LMHC – www.yourbabyboomersnetwork.com
So he says he needs some space and yet you are left wondering if the relationship is coming to an end. How can you tell if he really just needs some extra room for himself?
Here are 5 tips to help you discern what is going on.
1. Ask him!
Yes, get right to the point and ask him if it is space he really needs or is the relationship changing for him. If you pay attention to his body language, you can usually tell if his mouth is saying one thing and his heart is saying something else. If you think he saying what you want to hear and not what he is really feeling, then try the next 4 tips.
2. Give him some extra space.
You don't have to talk to him every day, you don't have to text him every day. This isn't about playing games with him, it is about really giving him some space to decide what it is he wants.
3. Ask him how much time he thinks he needs and does he want to communicate during this time or does he want the solitude.
You want to remember that if this relationship is coming to an end, you don't want to hang on to something that is not going to continue, and if it is really space that he needs, honor that. You would want him to honor your space if you needed it.
4. If he is ambiguous about the amount of time he needs, then see if he is willing to check in once a week to at least let you know that the relationship is not over.
If he doesn't want to offer that peace of mind to you, then you may want to prepare to move on from this relationship. You don't need to make any drastic moves, but be aware that your feelings are not a priority to him right now.
5. Check in with your gut.
Your 'knower' knows! And, if you know it is ending don't torture yourself by pretending everything is ok. Remember that if a relationship is ending, it is only because it was not a good fit. The man you love is out there and you won't find him by pretending this is the one.
Respect yourself and love yourself enough, to be honest when you know the truth, even before you ask him.
Nada Hogan L.Ac, Dipl.Om, M.Om - www.nadahogan.com
This is a question that I would interpret as a projection.
While it says nothing about the thinking of the man, it says volumes about your thinking. It says that you are unsatisfied. There is not enough forward movement, excitement, interest or intimacy to keep you satisfied. Women are sometimes afraid to let themselves define a relationship. I think this is a holdover from the bad old days when women didn’t want to seem too needy or, God forbid, pushy.
If you are wondering if he’s needing space, aren’t you really talking about a lack of your own relationship satisfaction?
If you felt you were with an engaged and interested partner, the question of his need for space wouldn’t even cross your mind. You need to step up and decide if you, not him, are satisfied with the status quo. If not, don’t ask him if he is getting enough; tell him you are not getting enough and that something needs to change for the relationship to continue.
It’s a mistake to focus on the partner for information about the quality of the relationship.
If he’s not happy, it’s up to him to tell you what he wants. You should not have to try to read him. That process just creates anxiety, possibly for both of you as he could be wondering why you’re upset. Partners owe it to each other to tell the truth so that neither has to worry about being in the dark about the quality of the relationship.
Turn the focus towards yourself.
Monitor your own level of happiness or unhappiness and you will have far more information to share with him. It can give you both the information you need to make improvements. Dissatisfaction isn’t a bad think; it’s just information. It’s a clue that something isn’t working the way you want it to. Clues lead to ideas for improvement. Ignoring them leads to problems that will grow too big to easily fix.
Speak up and let him know that you want him to speak up too.
While sometimes information can be difficult, it’s always useful. Make it a habit too occasionally take your satisfaction temperature, whether it’s about your job, school, friends, family or your primary relationship. You will be better prepared to take the steps to make your life more fulfilling.
Sally LeBoy, MFT – www.sallyleboymft.com
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