Is Writing a Letter To An Ex a Good Idea? [Especially When You Want Your Ex Back]

Video Summary

Long heartfelt love letters are a common route people take to get their ex back. In this video Clay talks about why mushy love letters don’t work.

They will not be emotionally receptive

Mushy, emotional love letters don’t work because that is not where your ex is right now. They are not in an emotional place. They aren’t going to be receptive to you expressing your emotions in a letter. They probably left you because you weren’t there for them enough or you didn’t express to them enough how you felt, so it may seem like telling them now in a letter is a good idea. That won’t fix the problem, however, because they have already made the choice to leave the relationship. It is going to take more than a letter to get them to reconsider that choice. You have to do more than a poetic letter to make up for your inconsistencies in the past.

Be compelling

When someone makes a strong decision they often feel compelled to stick with that decision. Your ex is going to feel compelled to stick to the break up. Furthermore, an emotionally charged letter is likely to trigger guilt in your ex over the break up. You need to give them a much more compelling reason than a letter.

Start small

If you do decide to write your ex you need to avoid pages and pages of emotional confessions. You need to keep it short and concise. People sometimes don’t even read letters like that because they don’t want to wade through all those pages knowing it is going to make them feel guilty or cry. Instead you need to get the conversation started by taking small steps. If you are going to write, keep it brief. Make your initial conversations very short and simple. Never hit them all at once with a tidal wave of emotion. Slowly build up to that, otherwise you will be pushing them away.

It may seem like a good idea to pour your heart out to your ex in a letter so they will know how you love them and want to come back to you. However, it is never a good idea to hit someone with a tidal wave of emotion like that as it will trigger feelings of guilt In fact, they may choose to not even read your letter to avoid feeling that guilt and sadness. Furthermore, they are probably dedicated to their decision to break up with you and you will need to be much more compelling if you want to win them over. Take small steps in your initial interactions. If it’s a letter be brief. A slow build up is much better than an emotional onslaught.