In this video Clay Andrews, a relationship coach talks about how to handle when your ex is sending mixed messages that confuse you.
It’s easy to tell when your ex is feeling angry and wants nothing to do with you, just as it’s easy to know when he or she seems to be in love with you. But, during the time you are working toward getting back together, your ex may feel one way in one minute and the other way the next.
A river with two shores
Imagine the left bank of a river is getting together and the right bank is “I never want to see your face again.” The river in the middle must be crossed if you want to reunite with your ex. Your ex may get into the boat and start the journey when he or she believes you are really committed to making your relationship work. But occasionally, fear will set in and your ex will be plagued by ‘what if’s.’ What if he really doesn’t change? What if she is just pretending to love me? These are normal feelings of fear and it is simply your ex’s subconscious trying to avoid pain.
The Gray Zone
That fearful middle ground, or as in our example, the river of doubt between you, can be scary. Crossing it is bound to be full of ups and downs, happy moments and angry ones. (Nobody said this would be easy.) Because you have had the benefit of using the tools you learned at The Relationship Inner Game, you are better prepared to see, accept, and master the challenges you face. If your ex has not done the exercises, he or she may be paralyzed by fear.
Where do you fit in?
When you did the Active No Contact period, you learned that you cannot be responsible for what others do and think. This is also true of your ex. The only thing you can do to help your ex with the feelings of panic is to be your new, improved self. Your job is to continue to be in charge of you. There is something very comforting about being around a person who seems to be confident.
Eventually, as your ex observes your new way of being aware of the circumstances, accepting those circumstances, and staying faithful to the values you hold dear, he or she will begin to feel more confident and safe in the trip across the river.
About Clay Andrews
Clay Andrews is a dating and relationship coach who helps women find the right type of man they can create a loving and thriving relationship with. He is the creator of Ex Solution Program- a program that helps couples get back together. To know more about Clay, visit his website below.