In this video Clay Andrews, a relationship coach explains how your clinginess may be keeping you from getting your ex back. Many people don’t realize they are being clingy, so how do you recognize when you are being clingy and avoid it?
What are your expectations?
Neediness or clinginess often stems from misguided expectations. Society feeds us all kinds of stereotypes about love such as “I would die without you” and “I need you to be happy.” This over-the-top thinking creates a co-dependency in a relationship. Unfortunately, with this type of thinking, when your partner goes away you are left feeling empty
Covert contracts are when you have an implicit agreement with someone that only exists in your own mind. This other person is not even aware of it. It’s when you have the idea in your head that if you do something for a person then they will return something to you. For example, if I take care of your needs, you will never leave me. These come from an overall insecurity or discomfort surrounding getting your own needs met. It creates resentment and contempt because you will be fulfilling your end of the bargain, but they won’t necessarily be fulfilling theirs.
Become a whole person
A healthy relationship is built off of two whole people. You need to become a healthy, whole individual so that you are not reliant on your partner. Picture a diagram with an overlapping circle and the part where they overlap is your relationship. When this person leaves there is an empty part in your diagram. However, if you are two whole people who connect rather than overlap, you will be healthier as individuals and as a couple. Understand that you don’t need a relationship to be okay.
By managing your expectations and avoiding covert contracts you can avoid becoming clingy or needy. You need to focus on your individual self and becoming a whole person. Once you understand that you don’t need to be in a relationship to be healthy and complete you will find that you no longer lean towards clinginess or neediness with you ex.
About Clay Andrews
Clay Andrews is a dating and relationship coach who helps women find the right type of man they can create a loving and thriving relationship with. He is the creator of Ex Solution Program- a program that helps couples get back together. To know more about Clay, visit his website below.