- in Commitment
In this video Matt Boggs talks about how to get a guy to go from casual to committed and talks about how to recognize whether or not the guy you are into is ‘breadcrumbing you’. Intrigued on what breadcrumbing is? Then keep reading and find out how you can stop this from happening to you.
First of all let’s talk about breadcrumbing...
Breadcrumbing is when a guy knows that you are really into him and you are putting in all of the effort. He has to do very little to maintain the relationship and he certainly is no rush to commit to you. He will simply offer you ‘breadcrumbs’... just enough attention to keep you interested. Hmmm….interesting right? So if you think the guy you are seeing is doing this, what can you do about it?
1. Come to any relationship, from a place of ‘choice’.
This means know your value, know your worth, i.e get some confidence! If you come to the relationship from a place of desperation or scarcity, the guy will recognise this, and will most likely breadcrumb you. Quit being a Victim, and put yourself in the higher level category of ‘a woman who knows her self worth’. Men find this attractive and you are much more likely to get a commitment from him if you approach things from this level. Or, keep chasing him, but don’t expect him to value you if you do. The choice is yours.
2. Ask his intentions.
If you are feeling like your guy is breadcrumbing you, the chances are that he has been treating you in a neglectful way, and now is the time to do something about it. What can you do? Well, ASK.. ask him where you stand.. But don’t just ask him where things are going. Matt suggests that you ask ‘hey, can I ask you a personal question?’ and if he says yes, ask him ‘hey, what is your intention for us?’.
By asking him what his intention is, you will either find out, or he will vanish, but here’s the thing - you shouldn’t fear scaring a man away, because the right man for you will be going nowhere. If you do scare a guy away, great, because you are opening the space up for the RIGHT man to come to you.
3. Challenge him to step up.
You can challenge a man to step up, when you do two things. 1) share your discontent with the relationship and then 2) share your vision for what it is that you want in a relationship. Men hate to feel like they are not fulfilling your needs, and they hate to feel like a loser.
How do you go about this? Well, Matt suggests that you say something like..
‘I like you and I enjoy when we hang out but I don’t really feel like we are progressing. I am looking for something that is developing into a great relationship. If you’re not on that track, that’s okay, and I’ll find someone else who is… But if you’re up for it, I’d love to see where this could go.. What do you think?’
This will show that you are coming to the relationship from a place of choice. That you have choices, and you are willing to walk away if you have to. You will show him that you are a woman who knows her self worth and who isn’t prepared to settle.
Again, do not worry about scaring him off. The right man will not be scared away from you simply by you asking such questions.
Good luck - and remember... you are worth more than being breadcrumbed and deep down you know it.
So, stop accepting the minimum and change the way that you behave with him. Scare him away and he wasn’t right for you. Step up and make space for the right man. It might feel ‘weird’ to start with, but you have totally got this.