- in Commitment
In this video, relationship adviser Mat Boggs shares the results of the many years he has spent interviewing couples who have been together a long time. Here, he shares the strategies he learned for sustaining a loving relationship.
In the initial stages of a relationship, we all get a rush of neurochemicals that bathe our brains with feelings of euphoria associated with intense feelings of being in love.
Nature, however, provides us with only 18 months worth of these chemicals. After that, they – and along with those euphoric feelings – diminish unless we generate them ourselves.
Long-term couples reveal that feelings of love can be generated to keep the attraction going even long after the honeymoon period is over. There are a number of ways to do this but for the most part, they agreed on one principle: decision.
Love isn’t a feeling to have. Feelings come and go – they wax and wane with whatever else is going on in your life. Love, though, is a decision you make on a daily basis. Every day, you have to make that choice of being a person of love in your relationship. There are three ways you can dictate yourself to love a person. When you do these three things, the feelings of love follow.
Strategy #1: Prioritize your partner
Make your partner your priority in life. For instance, set a date night every week and don’t let anything get in the way of that. Or, make it a point to converse every night when you come home from work.
Your brain registers what’s important to you by where you place your focus on. Therefore, when you prioritize your partner – you pour energy and attention on each other – your brain communicates to you that this is important because you focused attention on it. This raises the biochemical in your brain that evokes feelings of intense love.
Strategy #2: Give to your partner
Love is about giving to the other person. When you get out of yourself and start giving, you naturally awaken feel good neurochemicals throughout your system. To sustain the rush of being in love with your man, keep asking yourself: how can I give to my partner?
It’s actually when things are not going well between you two that the principle of love being a decision is realized. When the relationship hits some rough seas, it's not our natural instinct to be generous with our partner. That’s why you have to decide to be giving regardless of how you feel.
Strategy #3: Bring in the new
Bring something novel into the relationship to keep it fresh and exciting. Many successfully married couples will tell you that marriage takes work. What they actually mean is that it takes proactive work. You have to keep it interesting by coming up with new, fun things to do together.
About Mat Boggs
Mat has appeared on dozens of national media venues including: The Today Show, CNN Headline News, Fox News, CNN Showbiz Tonight, ABC Family, The Style Network, and many others, as well as contributed to an international peace symposium with His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
As a highly sought after speaker, relationship coach, and certified LifeSuccess consultant, Mat has helped people all over the country understand the hearts and minds of men, create major breakthroughs in love, and attract the relationship they want.
To know more about Mat, visit www.crackingthemancode.com.