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Blowing Hot and Cold Psychology- Here’s Exactly What You Need To Know To Best Deal With a Man Who Blows Hot and Cold
In this video, relationship expert Susan Winter talks about how some guys are ‘hot and cold players’, and how you can spot whether or not you are involved with one, and if you are, what you are going to do about it.
The person who is doing hot and cold with you is doing it to protect themselves,
Flee they follow, follow they flee - this is human nature, and for some guys, if you appear to want them, they run in the opposite direction. If you have ever had this happen to you it is natural to first wonder what is wrong with you. But more often than not, this is actually about themselves, and their desire to protect themselves from being hurt.
Understand that there are 3 phases to the hot and cold pattern. Here’s how to deal with them.
Phase one, The hot phase: You are given constant attention, flirtation, banter, easy communication, and then completely unexpectedly, texts are not returned and dates are broken. You start to wonder what did I do wrong, and you start to pursue them. You think that YOU did something wrong and that you created this dynamic. BUT this is NOT actually about you. The guy has gone into a cold cycle.
Phase two: the cold cycle: You;re now being ignored, and you think that is something that you have done, so you probably start to obsess over him, and want him all the more. Chances are you will chase him a little at this point (and it might even bring out the worst in you) but then finally, you realise that this is just not happening and you begin to move on with your life.
This is when he slaps you with the next cycle. Cycle 3, which is where the cycle begins all over again.
Cycle Three: Let’s go back to the first cycle: As soon as he realizes that you are not contacting him and you appear to have moved on with your life, he will suddenly appear from out of nowhere, and say hey, how are you doing, fancy meeting up sometime? This can be really confusing, and because you thought that you did something wrong, you might be tempted to meet up with him.
Be wary of this - often guys like this simply keep repeating the cycle, and so unless you want to keep going round and round like this, you're probably best off out of it.
You’re really best off out of it - avoid a hot and cold player.
It’s not necessarily what you want to hear, especially if you really like him but you’re probably best off out of it, as a hot and cold player will not change their pattern, and you will simply be lifted up and put back down again. A guy who is programed to behave like this does so because they want to keep themselves safe, and they do not want to be vulnerable and have a relationship. If you are looking for a relationship, you need to get out of whatever it is that you have going on with this hot and cold player.
The only way to take the power back is to say ‘I am sorry, but I do not play hot and cold and I deserve more than this’. Then back off and let him go. Of course, he might possibly chase you - this is because a hot and cold player enjoys the thrill of the chase as it makes him feel powerful.
By all means allow yourself to be reeled back in again, but don’t be surprised when he pulls back again. The choice is yours.
About Susan Winter
Susan Winter (Allowing Magnificence and Older Women/Younger Men), is a bestselling author and relationship expert specializing in higher thinking for an evolving world. She writes, speaks and coaches on cutting-edge partnership models as well as traditional relationship challenges from a platform that fosters self-esteem and personal empowerment.
Susan’s first book, Older Women/Younger Men quickly became an international bestseller as it opened the hearts and minds of readers’ worldwide to the validity of this type of age-gap love. Susan’s second book, Allowing Magnificence completely reframes how we view life’s challenges, empowering the reader to reconnect with the limitless power they already possess. Susan is currently a contributing writer for The Huffington Post and The Good Men Project.
To know more about Susan, visit her website www.susanwinter.net.