- in Attraction
In this video, dating coach Evan Mark Katz discusses women’s ten most common limiting beliefs about online dating so that you can reframe your expectations and navigate online dating effectively.
1. Online dating is not safe
Online dating is filled with the same people that exist in real life, no better or worse. You’ll just have more access to them and more people will have access to you. Meeting people in real life is sometimes tricky; online dating helps to make the world smaller.
2. There’s no good men online.
Even if 90% of men online are not dateable, that still leaves you with 10% who are. You only need to restrict yourself to those 10%. You don't need the 90%, that’s why there’s the delete, reject, or block option for you.
3. Online dating doesn't work
Online dating hasn't work for you. Yet. But it does work as it has accounted for 17 to 33% of all recent marriages. Online dating is a huge mainstream medium; true, it can be frustrating and there’ll be a lot of failure and rejection. But if you persevere and put in the work, you can be successful at it.
4. Online dating is unnatural
It’s not as natural as talking to someone in real life but most people also struggle to strike up conversations with strangers. The problem with online dating as a medium is not the platform itself but how people use it.
5. There are scammers and pervs
That’s true but they’re quite easy to weed out and ignore. They often prey on middle-aged women and ask them for money. In the first place, you should know enough to never give money to a total stranger on the Internet.
6. People lie
Most people do. Men lie mostly about their height, age and income; women about their height, weight, and age. They do this not because they’re liars but because they’re insecure. They’re afraid that telling the truth will bump them off your search grid.
7. Men are boring
These are the same men you’ll meet in real life. There’s something about the medium of online dating that brings out the boring, it’s not the people who are. Take a look at your profile, for instance. If it’s generic, then it will generate bland responses.
8. I prefer real life
How many dates have you had in the past year, relying on real life? Again, online dating levels the playing field. It doesn't matter how you meet someone so long as you are meeting people and creating opportunities.
9. Set up for disappointment
The success rate of women first writing to men are 30%; for men it’s 15%. You need to have realistic expectations. There’s no point in getting upset over something that’s totally predictable. It’s a numbers game; if you persevere, you could have great success.
10. I’m not good at it
Most people just don't bother to take the time to get good at it. If you’re not good at it, you can quit but that will leave you right where you started. Or you can learn.
About Evan Marc Katz
Billed as a “personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women,” dating coach Evan Marc Katz has been helping singles find love since 2003. Thousands of his clients have fallen in love, gotten married, started families, and found happiness – after only a few months of coaching. It’s an unlikely career for a man – much less a man who was called a “serial dater” by CNN- yet that’s what makes Katz such a unique coach. By helping women understand men – what they think, how they act, and what they really want – he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love.