- in Attraction
Mat Boggs, known for giving relationship advice for women, talks about a communication strategy for building a greater connection with your man in this video.
How men communicate vs. how women communicate
On the whole, men are use to communicating directly. Women, on the other hand, communicate indirectly. This is because throughout history, men are rewarded for being direct. Being direct leads to confrontation and when a man wins the confrontation, he comes out as the alpha.
Meanwhile, when women get into a confrontation and they lost, they are shunned. In early civilizations, being shunned – being turned away from your village, in particular – means certain death. And so women have learned to veil their words carefully to avoid confrontation.
Direct and indirect communication creates potential for conflict
When someone who is used to communicating directly talks to someone who communicates indorectly, that can create a lot of conflict.
A good example is when a woman wants her guy to do something for her, but she doesn’t say so outright. Instead, she will ask him something like, “Do you want to do this thing with me?”. If the guy was in the middle of something else, then he probably does not “want” to do what she’s asking of him. But had she asked him if he was “willing”, then he’d be up to the task, because he will be definitely willing to do what she asks him to do.
See the main difference? A guy expects his girl to be direct so that he can respond accordingly but ladies are too well-trained at making their requests subtle so as not to seem direct. Again, it creates a lot of misunderstanding.
How should you communicate to him?
As a woman, you will probably be hardwired to communicate indirectly. But then again, training yourself to communicate with your man more effectively will be well worth the effort for building a better relationship.
Begin with understanding how your man communicates and how he interprets what you say to him when you communicate indirectly. Taking off from the above example, when you ask him: “do you want to do this?”, he will literally answer your question. He doesn’t know that what you’re really asking is: “will you be willing to do this for me?”.
Now, if you ask him directly, however, chances are you will get an affirmative answer. Why? Because men want their women to be happy. It doesn't matter what he’s doing at the moment, he’ll be quick to drop it if you ask him for a favor. It makes him feel more of a man if he’s able to serve you. You just need to make the request direct.