- in Attraction
Dating coach Matthew Hussey shares the reason why people get hurt early on in relationships and what should be done instead to make him commit.
Heartbreak early in a relationship
When a woman decides that she likes a guy, she invests a huge amount of time and effort to get him to like her back. In romantic parlance, she gives him her heart. This is something that we’ve been led to believe – that giving oneself over to someone we’re in love with – is romantic and desirable. It’s not.
You cannot just let somebody else take over your life. When you give the other person too much power over you – making your world revolve around him – you are not giving him the chance to prove if he’s worthy of that. And if he doesn't give back in the ways you expect him to, that’s when you feel crushed and heartbroken.
The two levers in falling in love
You have to understand that there are two levers in falling in love and the key to getting your guy to commit is in properly “operating” these two levers.
The first lever is attraction.
This is when you decide that you like someone – maybe you admire him or you felt a certain chemistry between you. This lever is rather volatile. Admittedly, you have no full control over this one. You cannot really choose whom you are attracted to and you could even be attracted to the wrong person.
The second lever is investment.
This is when you decide how much you should invest in the person you are attracted to. How much time do you give him? How much effort do you expend pursuing him? Yanking down this lever – full throttle, giving it your 100% from the get-go – is what gets you heartbroken so early in the relationship.
When you pull the investment lever all the way down from the very beginning, it means you are trying very hard to make him like you back. But often, the opposite happens. The harder you try, the more likely that his attraction for you diminishes.
Operating the two levers to get him to commit
The two levers – attraction and investment – work side by side. Whereas the attraction lever is unpredictable and uncontrollable, the investment lever is not. You have all the power over the latter.
When you are attracted to someone, you need to be steady-handed with the investment lever. Invest just a little to start with. Did he invest back? If he did, then you can invest a little more. What will make him attracted to you is the realization that for him to get your whole investment, he has to invest too.
About Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey, speaker and New York Times Bestselling author, serves as a matchmaker on “Ready for Love,” NBC’s innovative and dramatic new relationship show about making real connections.
Through his online programs, viral internet broadcasts, sell-out seminars, NYT Bestselling book, and his roster of private clients, he has been able to pass on his insights and strategies to countless people. 50,000 women have attended his live events and he has reached over 10 million online. Hussey is the new international guru of the dating and relationship-coaching scene.
To know more about Matthew, visit www.howtogettheguy.com.