- in Attraction
In this podcast, dating coach for women Evan Marc Katz answers some of women’s most common questions about men and texting and shares tips on how you can get a texting guy to call you instead.
Nowadays, it seems like most of us can’t get through a day without our smart phones. Moreover, the foremost reason for using smart phones is actually texting, which has become our primary tool for connecting and communicating because it’s easy, convenient and low maintenance. Texting, however, has also been killing intimacy.
Why do guys send a text message to keep in touch with you?
A guy does so because he wants to. He doesn't have to pay attention, unlike when he’s on the phone with you. He can also text others simultaneously because he doesn’t have to respond right away. The reason he’s doing it to you, particularly, is because you allow him to; you become a participant in his texting harem. Why does he have to spend an hour talking to you over the phone when there are no demands or expectations from you?
Should you text him?
If he’s your boyfriend, then you can do whatever works for you and if you have no issues with texting. But if he’s not your boyfriend, then do a “mirroring”; that is, you respond quickly and warmly to his text. You don’t want to initiate the contact because you don't want to end up chasing a guy down.
Why won’t he text you back?
He doesn’t text back because he doesn't want to. Or you didn't give him anything interesting to respond to. Or he’s not just into you. It could be any number of reasons, the same reasons that you would not want to text someone back.
How do you make a guy call instead of texting you?
It’s not up to him to suddenly decide that he will call you instead of just texting. Texting works for him, after all. He will continue doing it unless you give him an incentive not to.
But here's the thing: when a guy likes you, he wants to please you. So if the guy is courting you and wants to date you, he will make an effort to accommodate your wants. You need to make it clear to him that you won’t settle for text messaging.
You can do this without sounding bossy or cold or confrontational or needy. You can do this in a warm, teasing way that shows you're a person who knows her boundaries and knows exactly how she wants to be treated and treated well.
Tell him that by picking up the phone, he’ll make you happy. If he’s a guy who’s going to be serious about you, then he wants to make you happy. But if he ignores your request for phone time, then cut him loose. It doesn’t matter if you’re that into him; if you're not comfortable with the way he communicates, then you’ll only be miserable with him later on.
About Evan Marc Katz
Billed as a “personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women,” dating coach Evan Marc Katz has been helping singles find love since 2003. Thousands of his clients have fallen in love, gotten married, started families, and found happiness – after only a few months of coaching. It’s an unlikely career for a man – much less a man who was called a “serial dater” by CNN- yet that’s what makes Katz such a unique coach. By helping women understand men – what they think, how they act, and what they really want – he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love.