- in Attraction
In this video, relationship expert Helena Hart answered a question from a woman in the CommitmentConnection.com community who wanted to know what men really want in their relationship with a woman.
Men need your acceptance
First and foremost, men want to feel a deep acceptance from their respective partners. Many men, despite their outward bravado, actually feel terrible about themselves on a deep unconscious level.
Perhaps they are uncomfortable about their emotions or they feel guilty about certain drives and desires. They build this hard exterior around themseves but deep down, they are no different from women in feeling a sense of insecurity. In fact, with men it is sometimes more drastic.
So the first thing that men really crave is to be accepted for who they are – not for who they pretend to be or for the persona they project out in the world.
Acceptance begins with yourself
You could tell a man all day that, “I accept you” or “I love you for who your are” or “I think you are amazing”, but it still won’t be enough. He would still love to hear that, of course, but for him to feel your deep acceptance, it has to be his own realization and coming from a deep, instinctual level. This is why words won’t suffice.
So how do you do that? Interestingly, the one thing you can do to really convince him that you accept him is for you to accept and love yourself first. That is, he won't believe that you accept him until he believes you accept you – all parts of yourself, even the ones that you don’t really feel good about.
Get in touch with your deeper self
He knows that you accept yourself if he can see that you are able to get in touch with the deeper parts of yourself and you feel comfortable expressing those emotions to him. An example of such would be when you reveal to him that, “I felt so insecure today when I had to do this presentation at work, I was nervous. I just felt so relieve when it was over.”
You don’t normally tell just anyone things like that because it exposes a deeper part of you. You give him the privilege of seeing this side of you but you need to do so in a way that does not make him feel obliged to make you feel safe and secure. You’re opening up to him because you feel safe and secure in yourself for doing so.
Lean back and just be there to listen
When you express it that way to him, he will be moved to think that you accept your feelings, and you accept yourself. That’s how he knows that you can accept him and his feelings as well.
So when it’s his turn to expose his deep feelings to you – because he will feel safe doing that – don't jump into your masculine energy and try to fix things for him. Instead, allow yourself to lean back into your feminine energy and just listen to him. This is how you tell him that you trust and respect him enough to solve his own problems. And he will adore you for that.
About Helena Hart
As a Certified Life and Relationship Coach with a masters degree in Psychology – and a Master Coach Teacher for Rori Raye – Helena Hart understands the challenges of balancing the masculine energies she uses in work with the feminine energies necessary for success in dating and relationships.